Here come these “scientists” again trying to ruin our fun. What’s the magnificent breakthrough this time? Apparently, a pattern of excessive drinking isn’t great for your career aspirations. Shocking.
Heavy drinking six times a month reduces the probability that a new college graduate will land a job by 10 percent, according to Tel Aviv University and Cornell University research published in the Journal of Applied Psychology.
Previous studies were unable to determine the precise effect of alcohol consumption on first-time employment. But according to the new study, each individual episode of student binge-drinking during a month-long period lowers the odds of attaining full-time employment upon graduation by 1.4 percent.
10 percent? That’s it? I already eat poorly, don’t exercise, and throw away my money betting on college football every Saturday morning. Just add this to the list, another instance where I’ll be taking my chances. Even 50 percent would make me hesitant about ruining my good time. Say I do stop excessively drinking. For what? So that I can have an entry-level job making 35k with bennies guaranteed upon graduation? Whoopty-fucking-doo.
“Binge-drinking” is defined as ingesting four or more alcoholic drinks within two hours by a woman and five or more alcoholic drinks within two hours by a man, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.
In college, five drinks in two hours is just called drinking. Generally speaking, if I don’t get five Vodka Red Bulls down the hatch in twenty minutes, it starts to feel like I’m falling behind.
What does this study have to say about college students like me who go by our own definition of binge drink? I’m talking 10-15 drinks in two hours. Are we even on the chart? Should I just drop out and file for unemployment now?
While I’m sure they came to this conclusion with the utmost objectivity, I’m not buying it. In fact, the only way it will affect me at all is if my mom stumbles upon this, and decides to confront me about my “problem” for the thousandth time. Other than that, there’s nothing to worry about. I’ll see you heathens at Thirsty Thursday. Who’s buying? .