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This Airline Passenger Complaining About His Pilot’s Driver’s Beer Is A Narc

airline pilot beer cockpit

When I was in high school (about the same time Eisenhower was taking office), we had this kid who was our designated driver all the time because he had some weird genetic disease where he couldn’t drink. I remember clearly one specific instance where we were running low on beers and he refused to let any of us have the unopened ice cold Bud Latte in the driver’s side cupholder.

“That’s my driver’s beer,” he vehemently let us know. “It calms me down.”

Okay, dude. Whatever.

Pissed as I was then, I learned a valuable lesson and added it to the list of important things I’ve learned over the years: you don’t tug on Superman’s cape, you don’t spit into the wind, you don’t jerk off with shampoo, and you don’t fuck with a man’s driver’s beer.

This nerd passenger on some flight who spotted the pilot’s driver’s beer and complained needs to learn himself some lessons in driver’s beer etiquette. Also needs to mind his own business and stop being such a narc.

From New York Post:

A passenger aboard a recent Jet2 flight from Spain to England saw something no traveler ever wants to see on a plane: a beer in the cockpit.

Steve Lewis, of Northamptonshire, England, says he was “shocked” upon landing at Birmingham airport and seeing a can of Stella Artois sitting between the pilots.

“The plane had landed and the seatbelt light came on. I stood up to get my suitcase and as I did the cockpit door opened and I noticed the can,” said Lewis, according to The Metro. “I turned to my partner Steven, who didn’t believe me at first, but then he noticed you could clearly see the Stella branding.

I can’t understand this guy getting his panties in a twist over an unopened Stella. An unopened Stella! It’s not like he had a bottle of whiskey up there or a rack of Stones or a few empty bottles of Pinot. I mean, it’s one unopened Stella. I don’t want my pilots tight and jumpy; I want them loose and relaxed. If a pilot needs a driver’s beer to better operate his vehicle, who are we to throw stones?

Meanwhile, did this tattletale even consider the fact that they were all just flying? You ever try and fly somewhere without the presence of alcohol? It’s like going on a date without cracking stick first. It’s a miserable experience. If all the passengers are wetting their whistles just to calm down enough to come to grips with the fact they’re hurtling through the air seven miles up at six hundo miles an hour, what do you think those pilots are going through? They’re in the front, for fuck’s sake. You don’t have to see what they see. You don’t have to deal with what they deal with. All that radar and sonar and lights and buttons; it’s anarchy up there, and that pilot damn well deserves his driver’s beer more than you deserve to drink your alcohol.

Ever seen Apollo 13? I’m guessing if they’d had driver’s beers, they wouldn’t have been so freaked out about all the shit popping off when they rotated the oxygen tanks.

[via New York Post]

Image via Shutterstock

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Boston Max

You can usually find me romancing your older sister over at PGP (PostGradProblems)

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