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If you’re at all familiar with the inner workings of deal-with-the-devil mastermind Nick Saban, you know that his core coaching philosophy is known simply as the “The Process.” It’s a philosophy that focuses on methodical preparation over all else. But underneath the veneer of this you-get-out-what-you-put-in mentality, there’s an evil genius lurking.
So when I saw a little news piece about the Crimson Tide’s defensive line coach getting his playbook stolen a mere days before the National Championship game against Georgia, I looked at it not as your run-of-the-mill theft, but as yet another slight string pull from college football’s ultimate puppet master.
Police say last Saturday, defensive line coach Karl Dunbar left his backpack in a Marriott Marquis conference room designated as the defensive line meeting room.
It had his cellphone, laptop, $1,300 cash, passport and game day playbook inside.
Some of the items were recovered in a bathroom, but not the playbook.
“It’s bad. It’s definitely bad. One shouldn’t do it and I believe Georgians wouldn’t do it,” Georgia fan Bobby Val said.
You know what, Boddy Val? I believe you. But let’s dig a little deeper into the piece, shall we?
One Georgia fan said the theft may have been bad karma for the Bulldogs.
“That’s really bad. So that’s why we lost it, then?” Krishna Gangineni said.
Channel 2’s Tyisha Fernandes contacted University of Alabama officials who said they did not know the bag was stolen.
When she sent them the police report, they did not have a comment.
Bad karma, you say? University of Alabama officials had no idea the bag was stolen, you say? If you think that working hard in practice and studying film are the only tenets of Saban’s master plan, then you need a swift kick in the temporal lobe (the part of the brain that determines fantasy from reality).
Winners do whatever it takes to win (sup, Bill Belichick?), which means that Saban throwing bad juju Georgia’s way and causing a mini media diversion to make Alabama look like the good guys all while keeping Alabama officials in the dark doesn’t seem all that far-fetched. I mean, the dude obviously dabbles in the dark arts. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a little Kirby Smart voodoo doll with him during the natty that he just poked in the head during big mid-game decisions.
In the end, it’s all part of the… Wait, what’s the word again? Ah yes: Process..
Image via Wikimedia Commons