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Good. Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you.
It’s fantastic to be a hateful college sports fan. No where else but a college team’s stadium or arena does shouting “FUCK YOUR FUCKING FACE!” make such perfect sense, and to me, that’s beautiful. Then again, it’s me we’re talking about, but whatever.
The love of college sports and the hate of rival teams is both entertaining and cathartic. Whether it’s a guy poisoning trees, a guy tea-bagging a passed out opposing fan in a very public place, or a man vowing to stay a dedicated fan even after being robbed and viciously beaten by players on the very team he roots for, college sports breeds a nearly insane level of dedication. And that’s just ‘Bama we’re talking about.
Speaking of Alabama Crimson Tide football, if you haven’t heard, they have this rival called Auburn. They don’t really like those guys. They think they’re a bunch of jerks. That mild distaste extends to the players as well, who will take any opportunity to shame their rival. Like, for example, during a visit to a local Tuscaloosa high school, when they find a student there wearing said rival’s gear. Alabama linebacker Shaun Dion Hamilton happened to stumble upon one such student, and proceeded to show Twitter exactly what happens when you dare to wear Auburn gear in the heart of Bama country.
Yeah, you Goddamn loser! HAHAHAHA YOU SIT ALONE YOU AUBURN PIECE OF SHIT! You don’t get friends when you wear Auburn gear around these parts! YOU WILL BE ALONE FOREVER! You’ll go home each night, bury your face in your pillow, and weep. You’ll ask God why you can’t seem to find anyone who understands you. Each day will be harder than the last. The crowds of your supposed peers will be loneliest place on Earth for you. Eventually you will become disgusted by your own face every time you look in the mirror. You will grow to hate everything about your own personality. Your loneliness will turn to sadness, which will fester into a desperate rage. Finally, when you assume there are no other options left, you will let that desperation consume you completely, and you will take your own life…long owned Auburn gear and throw it in the garbage.
It’s a sad road to head down, and that’s why you, lonely Auburn fan, need to remember the following:
Stay strong champ.
Hamilton has deleted the tweet.
h/t College Spun