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It would seem there is some more troublesome Greek Life news from the University of Alabama. After every fraternity had its pledgeship suspended due to several unrelated infractions, including a federal hazing lawsuit involving an Alabama football player and another nearly fatal butt chugging incident (REALLY????), one would think that the Alabama fraternities would want to lay low for a little while.
FUCK THAT SHIT. LET’S EGG SOME MOTHERFUCKERS!
A dispute between Pi Kappa Alpha and Theta Chi has resulted in acts of vandalism at both houses, according to a UA spokeswoman. (1/2)
— The Crimson White (@TheCrimsonWhite) September 26, 2012
According to a reader who wishes to remain anonymous, the Theta Chis kicked off this frat feud by egging the Pike house because, I don’t really know why. I assume the conversation went something like this:
Theta Chi 1: Hey what’s up, how was class?
Theta Chi 2: FUCK PIKE!
Theta Chi 1: YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH. Let’s egg the shit out of those dickbags.
Theta Chi 2: I’ll go open the kitchen.
(*Theta Chi 3 runs in with an armful of egg cartons*)
Theta Chi 3: Way ahead of you. Let’s roll.
That tends to be how those things go.
However, according to Alabama’s student newspaper, The Crimson White, the prank war between the two fraternities had actually been ongoing.
“We both knew that we were pulling pranks on each other but paint and stuff – that’s not cool,” Austin said. “People just get too excited sometimes, and it sounds like that is what happened.”
The Crimson White also reported that along with egging the Pike house the Theta Chis had spray painted “phallic images” on the house’s exterior. Let’s not get fancy here, Crimson White. Don’t make it sound like ancient Roman street art was found on the side of the Pike house. They had some dicks drawn on their walls. It’s okay to say “penis” in your newspaper.
The Pikes did not take too kindly to Theta Chi’s aggression and responded
in kind the Chicago way.
No seriously, I have no idea how badly Theta Chi egged Pike, but holy shit do Pikes apparently hate eggs. Here are some pictures of the carnage at Theta Chi:
Not going to lie, the flipped couches aren’t really that impressive. It’ll take about three seconds of pledge work to fix that. But wait! OH GOD THERE AREN’T ANY PLEDGES ANYMORE! Well played Pike, well played. My guess is those couches stay flipped over for at least ten days. The Theta Chis will find ways to live on and around them in the meantime, like any good lazy yet resourceful fraternity men would.
What the Theta Chis might have a little more trouble with is the poop that my anonymous tipster claims was thrown on their cars. That seems a little, um, excessive. Maybe just key the cars next time instead of shitting into your hand like an angry chimp and throwing it on some poor kid’s Tahoe. There were also apparently a few broken windows and stolen composites.
In true Alabama fashion the fraternities’ punishments involved losing their block football seating for the time being. They are also suspended from throwing any socials pending judicial action. However there seems to be no actual bad blood between the two fraternities.
Though Thomas Davis, Pike’s president, could not be reached for comment by press time, Austin said the two houses are working together to resolve the issue.
“I talked to [Thomas Davis] all day,” Austin said. “We both agreed that we were going to repair the damage to each others houses and leave it at that. There is no bad blood between us.”
Isn’t that nice to hear? Never let a few eggs and a little car poo get in the way of friendship.