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Apparently Anal Hazing Is A Big Thing In High School These Days, Or, High School Kids Are Idiots

The title pretty much sums it up, you don’t need to read anything more. You don’t want to know the gruesome details of it all…wait, who am I kidding? You’re all a bunch of savages.

I’m sure this whole ordeal is a huge tragedy for the kids and families involved, but I can’t stop laughing at this ridiculous nonsense. I can’t believe this is actually news. This is how I know we are living in the end of times. When jokes I would make about Justin Bieber are actually coming true in real life. That’s when you know it’s all going to shit.

Apparently, anal hazing is “becoming a thing” in high schools across America. There have been more than a dozen incidents in the last year with over 40 victims of poop chute violations. Check out this laundry list of fucked up headlines:

Three former soccer players… were convicted of sexually assaulting other students with a javelin and a broken flagpole.

… students allegedly tried to place a piece of rebar inside the anal cavity of another student. There was a similar incident involving a broom handle. Prosecutors say a masonry teacher was present at the time and knew what was happening.

…older wrestlers ordinarily forced jump rope handles into the anuses of younger wrestlers who missed practice or failed to make weight.

three members of the track team stand accused of violently sexual abusing at least one younger student. “You need a good fingering, you freshman,” one of the attackers allegedly told the victim.

a group of older soccer players sodomized several younger players with fingers or sticks.

At the state high-school wrestling tournament, three upperclassmen cornered a 13-year-old boy on an empty school bus, bound him with duct tape and sodomized him with a pencil.

a study published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence has claimed that nearly 10 percent of high school males report suffering some form of sexual assault including, in some cases, forced oral sex or rape.

What. The. Fuck?!?

The GDI experts blame social media, as if these high school rapists are learning this sadistic behavior from fraternity men. I assure you, this is not the case. If a brother shoved a cucumber up my asshole while I was pledging, the headlines would not be talking about hazing. They would be talking about that brother’s obituary.

Sodomy is NOT hazing, you stupid fucking kids. It’s a heinous crime against the soul. If someone put something into my ass against my will, I’d destroy them. No questions asked, no politics, no morality, no media, and no regrets… only excruciating and satisfying death.

Hazing is a taboo topic. We can’t even (completely) openly talk about it on TFM and that’s exactly the problem. High school kids do not understand the context of it. They just assume that hazing means “degrading and humiliating another human being in the most extreme manner possible.” All fraternity men know that this is farthest thing from the truth.

Hazing is an inescapable part of the pledging process. Pledging is like alchemy. It’s designed to turn lead into gold, douche bags into gentlemen. Hazing is a tiny part of a much larger whole. When you divorce hazing from the rest of the pledge program, the entire meaning and purpose behind it is lost.

When you remove the positive, character building attributes from the pledge process and isolate hazing, all you get is a bunch of stupid high school kids finger fucking each other in the ass.

Hazing is one thing, but sodomizing sphincters with the strangest thing you can find in a dumpster is a whole new level of fucked up. That is not hazing. That is a sex crime.

There is no comparison. The sooner these stupid geed reporters stop referring to butt rape as hazing, the better off we’ll all be.

Ed. Note: The good old days, when if high schoolers did “haze,” it was done outside of the ass. – Bacon

[via Yahoo!]


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RageTheory (@RageTheory) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move. He enjoys long walks of whiskey and sodomy on the beach.

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