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Ask Intern Sydney

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1. When you hit on a girl at the bar and she says she has a boyfriend, how can you be sure she’s telling the truth?

If a girl tells you she has a boyfriend, truthful or not, take it as a sign that she’s not interested. Don’t be the creepy guy who can’t take a hint.

2. How do you figure out how many guys is too many for a girl to have been with if you’re trying to date her?

You worded that as if there is a special formula that proves sluttiness. That should be based on the individual. I don’t think it’s fair for a guy to have a body count in the hundreds and judge a girl for a similar number. However, it’s a different story if you’re a fresh flower with only a few girls under your belt. It’s all circumstantial.

3. I hope this email finds you well, would you agree that referring to yourself as a D-list celebrity in your bio is approaching the Kanye West zone of delusional arrogance? D-list celebrity status is reserved for people like prop comedians, burnt-out porn stars, serial killers, those nerds that went to the moon, etc. You answer emails from horned up frat bros once a week.

The idiots on here who can’t decipher sarcasm never cease to amaze me. You act as if I don’t know what a D-list celebrity is. I appreciate you clearing it up for me, though. The email to this account is literally “Chickmagnet4lyfe6969.” With that being said, I think your delusional arrogance surpasses my own.

4. Sydney. You’re gorgeous, what’s your number?

Why do guys think they’re entitled to a girl’s number solely because they give a girl a compliment? It’s gotten to the point where I genuinely get angry when a guy asks for my number. If I wanted you to have my number, I’d give you my number.

5. If you were stuck on a deserted island with Dorn, Denis and Boosh but found a 2 person life boat to escape who else would you take with you and why?

Ideally I’d leave them all there. But, Dorn is my boss so if I want to keep my internship I guess I’d have to bring him.

6. I saw your instagram caption last week about being single. Do you think you’re single because of something you’re doing or something guys are doing?

I’ve yet to find anyone I deem worthy of dating. I’m sure I’ll receive some hate mail saying I’m stuck up for that comment. I have high expectations and I’m not going to lower myself to dating someone that doesn’t meet my expectations just because I want a boyfriend.

7. Will you give the best man’s speech at my wedding because my younger brother agrees that your sense of humor could really rock a crowd and he’s just really not up to task.. Ha

Are you really this desperate for a response?

8. Do you make up questions or do you actually get all the questions you respond to?

I’ve been asked this a lot. I’d be more than happy to send screenshots to any questions you believe I’ve made up. You’d be surprised the weird things I get asked that I don’t even post.

9. If you could have lunch with a person, alive or dead, who would it be and why?

Myself in 10 years, so I could begin arranging for plan B if I’m not married to a millionaire.

10. What do you think would change you more? How you look, how you act, or your name?

What kind of shit-ass question is this? This is why people think I make up my own questions.

11. Sydney, First of all, you have a lovely name, my sister has the same name. Secondly, you’re drop dead gorgeous.

Thirdly, my dream job is to be a sports agent, any chance you can hook up that internship with your dad?

Is throwing the subtle compliments in there supposed to persuade me to get you an internship? Even if my dad took interns, I probably wouldn’t help you out.

12. I’ll keep this short and simple. I’m 6,1 athletic and in the United States Air Force. When i get out of the USAF I’m going to attend pilot/flight school. Blondes are my thing soo lets bone.

I’m glad I’m your type, but you’re definitely not mine. Not sure why every guy in the military thinks that makes them a girl’s dream.

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Mac and cheese enthusiast. First runner-up for most humorous in high school. D-list celebrity. Professional social media stalker.

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