A tipster slid into our tipline today with a lead so strong that not even Donald “The Comeback Kid” Trump could surmount it without winning at least one more state and grabbing at least one less pussy. The tip comes out of Auburn:
Farmhouse didn’t renew their domain license so it was purchased by a Russian porn site. For real, go to www.auburnfarmhouse.com, it redirects to a Russian porn site.
College kids. Fraternities. Porn. Blatant incompetence almost certainly spurred by forgetfulness fomented by borderline alcoholism. This lead has it all! Of course, every journalist knows you never trust a tipster without doing your due diligence. That’s why I went to auburnfarmhouse.com to investigate.
It checks out.
But wait, there’s more!
Rumor is they contacted the guy to get it back and he wanted $10,000 for it, they refused, and he just left them with the message “enjoy the porn”
This Ruski’s got jokes! Even if you don’t respect his motives or his country, you’ve gotta respect his hustle.
I’m also fairly sure this doesn’t hurt Auburn FarmHouse at all. Nobody goes to your fraternity’s official website except potential rushees, who LOVE porn because they’re so horny they’ll fuck anything that moves and a lot of things that don’t (like Ziploc bags full of non-Newtonian corn starch, Gatorade bottles or my dog’s Kong), and grads, who LOVE porn because their wives now resemble burlap sacks filled with cottage cheese and a few misshapen potatoes. This will help FarmHouse out, if anything. Smart move not ponying up the $10 grand too. Spend that money on lube and use your own website to jerk it out like you’re the band Caesars. This is a win-win.
In the end, I’m just happy there’s some news out of Auburn that isn’t about those trees everyone and their hot cousin keeps trying to kill. Thank God. Unless someone tried to fuck the tree and got their dick stuck and the fire department had to come in and use the jaws of life to open up the tree and then they put the tree fucker in jail for killing the tree, leave me out of your tree business, Tigers. I don’t go on and on about my succulent, Terrence, who sits on my window sill all day soaking up sun pussy, so please do the same with regard to the Toomer’s trees. Trees are like fantasy football teams — I don’t want to hear about yours, and in the end, they, and everyone involved with them, will die a miserable, lonely death. So let’s not keep talking about it and just hit up auburnfarmhouse.com so we can enjoy some sexy Russian porn before we croak..
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