Australian Man Stitches Own Chainsaw Wound, Cleans It With Gin, Gets DUI, Is Badass

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Australian man Timothy Withrow has lost his appeal for trifling circumstances on a drunk driving charge from 2014. What were these alleged trifling circumstances that led to Withrow’s DUI that could justify putting the public in danger, you ask? A chainsaw injury.

Withrow cut his hand on a chainsaw while at home, then called the hospital, but they told him that they were busy and wouldn’t be able to help him for up to 10 hours. Withrow is a fighter, though, and he decided to take matters into his one good hand. He began stitching the gaping wound shut with some fishing line and a sewing needle. To fight the risk of infection, he poured some gin over the wound — a classic frat party medical procedure. He also drank some of the gin to numb the pain, as this is also part of the protocol in really any medical emergency I can think of, besides alcohol poisoning or a heroin overdose.

Realizing he should probably get some “real” medical attention, Withrow then drove himself (almost) to the hospital. In a hurry for obvious reasons, he ran a stop sign and got pulled over.

His BAC reading was 0.175, which is more than three times the legal limit in his neck of the woods. According to a New York Times article, “Blackouts tend to start at blood alcohol levels of at least 0.15 percent…especially when a person hits that level quickly.” My guess is that Withrow definitely hit that level “quickly” and was well on his way to being blackout because, you know, he poured gin directly into his bloodstream.

Withrow pleaded guilty to the offense, likely because after he got in the car, he had no recollection of what actually happened, confirming his intoxication. Probably not the safest move. He’s lucky not to have anyone’s blood on his hands (except his own, of course) but he’s still a fucking champ in my book. This is how chapter legends are made: sewing shut your own gaping wound and disinfecting with alcohol. He stared death in the face and told him, “Not today.” He blacked out…that bright light calling him toward the heavens.

Aussies, man.

[via ABC]

Image via Shutterstock

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Fratrick Kane 88

You probably don't want to split a cab ride with me.

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