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Basic Income Is Coming, Let’s Pay For It With Legal Drugs

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I know what you’re thinking- get this goddamn liberal horse shit out of here– but hear me out. Karl Marx can suck a dick. Reagan’s immortal soul will trickle down from heaven for eternity, praised be his name, Amen.

The Great American Experiment has been chuggin’ along just fine for centuries now. Socialism and all the other left wing–isms have failed throughout history, time and time again.

Socialism is a broken record of human stupidity.

Some say this time round is no different. Any socialist shit will eventually be flushed down the toilets of history as another failed experiment in self-governance.

But I propose that we live in exceptional times.

There is a tidal wave coming and we’re all going to see it. The tide is already running out and all the animals are getting the fuck out of dodge. Can you feel it coming?

Technology is about to bust a nut all over every facet of our society’s face. The future is coming, I hope you’re ready for the mother load.

Some people don’t appreciate the true gravity of Moore’s Law. Our technology is still in embryonic infancy compared to the monster it will become in the next thirty years or so. Look around at what’s already happening.

Uber tore the taxicab industry a new asshole. Taxi medallions in New York used to cost upwards of a million bucks. Now anyone can be a taxi. Soon, Uber and Lyft will no longer need human drivers- so enjoy that side gig while you can, nerds. You’re days of driving are numbered.

Uber is just the tip. Autonomous vehicles are about to be everywhere. Imagine all the shitty Wok Pizza delivery drivers that will be obsolete. Once autonomous semi-trucks get the green light for mass freight transportation, there won’t be a need for truckers anymore, either.

Whenever ignorant libtards succeed in raising the minimum wage too high, McDonalds will completely automate. A $35,000 machine is much more cost effective than inefficient stoners. When the other big chains see how much money McDonalds is saving, they’ll all follow suit.

Technology is murdering human jobs. That’s the point. We make machines work, so that we don’t have to. The problem is going to be the transition. What are tens of millions of people going to do for work? How will they survive?

They won’t. Not without help.

We are living in an age of unprecedented material abundance, but wealth is centralizing into the pockets of a few dominant players. We live in a corporate oligarchy so large that comparisons can barely be drawn to scale.
Basic income brings up an important question that every American should ask themselves: Do I give a fuck about people who are replaced by robots?

The question forces us to confront our core ideology. Do you believe some people need a helping hand or do you think that Darwin gets to butt fuck everyone who can’t survive on their own?

Basic income isn’t a question of viability, it’s a question of inevitability. Who cares right now? The problem is under the radar. The poors still have a little longer to thrive before robots exterminate them all. But once we lose more than a third of the work force, the problem will be difficult to ignore.

Want to create jobs? Power the grid with poor people. Make them work for their basic income. FDR would jizz in his grave over the prospects.

Want to pay for Basic Income? Decriminalize drugs and tax the tits out of them.

Fuck it. People won’t stop doing drugs any time soon, we might as well make some money. Soon people will be able to 3-D print whatever drugs they want on E-Z Bake Reality Printers, so it won’t even matter. Prohibition is not something that has worked for anything, ever.

We could easily pay for basic income with drug money that would normally fund terrorism. Dismantle the DEA and end the futile war with cartels. A cartel can only exist in a black market environment. If the market was free, tax-paying corporations could capture massive market share and put the cartels out of business. Cartels and terrorist networks are powerful because we are too dumb to realize we are directly funding them with the War on Drugs, a proven failure.

Ending the drug war could easily fund any dumb basic income experiment. Hell, that’s only one fucking idea that could work and I’m just making shit up. I’m drinking whiskey and spit balling, here.

Capitalism is bigger than governments. If Capitalism is to survive, people need to consume shit. If a lot of people are poor, they can’t participate to their fullest potential in the shit eating consumer economy. If they had cash, they could spend it on stupid shit and the economy would thrive. If they spent it on drugs, great, the state would make more back in taxes anyway.

We could cut all our expensive socialist programs like welfare, social security, Medicare, Medicaid, and food stamps and get straight to the point: cash makes life better for everyone. Cash can be spent on anything. Cash is true free will.

And therein lies the danger inherent in any kind of socialist system. The people elect the government that handles the distributions. The people — in their instinctive incompetence — tend to elect whoever promises to increase those payouts, regardless of how bat shit crazy the candidate may or may not be.

I’m not saying basic income is an ideal utopian wet dream that should be embraced without contingencies. There are a lot of pitfalls. It’s still a fledgling idea.

I’m just saying that the future is bringing massive problems with it… and I don’t see any other solutions.

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RageTheory (@RageTheory) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move. He enjoys long walks of whiskey and sodomy on the beach.

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