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Blacked Out Portland Man Couldn’t Remember If He Liberated A Stable Of Police Horses

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Blacked Out Portland Man Couldn't Remember If He Liberated A Stable Of Police Horses

Let’s play the game “Protestor or Drunk?”

Here’s the story: a 24-year-old man broke into the stables holding the Portland Police Bureau’s mounted patrol unit and set free five of the horses. When officers arrived at the scene, he was shoving a horse through an open gate and slapping it in order to make it gallop away from the stable. All of this occurred while a Ferguson-related protest was happening blocks away.

So, which do you believe he is?

Here’s a quote from the suspect that may get you better situated with the mind of the liberator:

From Oregon Live:

“All I remember is a snapshot of a horse.”

Thanks for playing, assholes. The correct answer is “drunk.”

Bradly Miller had no intention of setting free a stable of horses that night. He actually wanted to go grocery shopping instead, but just as we’ve all experienced, the bar took control and the shitstorm rolled in. Instead, he found himself face-to-face with Portland’s police detectives and some new charges on his criminal record.

Miller used a fire extinguisher to shatter a window, which set off an alarm and alerted officers to the crime in progress.

When officers first responded, four horses were found loose near the railroad tracks across the street from the facility, which is in the 1300 block of Northwest Naito Parkway, according to a probable cause affidavit.

When an officer headed to the stable, Miller was seen shoving a horse out of an open door and slapping the animal, causing it to gallop away, court documents said.

Miller then closed the door and minutes later was seen running near the Willamette River, court documents said. He was found behind bushes and arrested.

All the horses were found, and two suffered minor leg injuries, police said.

Although officers initially believed the stunt was part of the protests downtown, Miller informed them that he had no political agenda, and, instead, he was bad at making decisions.

The officers charged him with second-degree burglary, first-degree aggravated theft, and three counts of second-degree criminal mischief. He was arrested with a police horse’s badge in his pocket.

Some people just want to watch the world burn.

[via Oregon Live, KOIN]

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Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a Senior Freelance Writer for TFM News and a former summer pledge intern at TFMHQ. His Spotify playlists are pure garbage. Email:

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