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Bobby Petrino is Just Misunderstood

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This has been a tough week for all of us. I remember the day I found out like it was yesterday. I was spraying mud all over the underside of my roommate’s toilet seat, and all of a sudden I hear Linda Cohn’s stupid fucking voice saying that Bobby had been involved in a motorcycle accident. Bobby suffered only non threatening injuries, but I had a feeling something far shittier was at play here. You see, Coach Petrino has an illustrious history of behavior that society looks down upon. For example, while coaching the Atlanta Falcons, an NFL franchise with a rich tradition of mediocrity, Coach Petrino resigned abruptly during the Mike Vick scandal. When I say abruptly I mean giving zero notice to management and leaving a letter to the players in the locker room. Oh, and they were only 13 games into the season. Hey, I’m not going to condemn that. A lot of people criticized Bobby for quitting mid season, abandoning his players, and taking a job at Arkansas in the middle of what can only be described as a diarrhea filled 4-12 season. But what was he supposed to do? Wait it out? Hang around a team whose franchise quarterback was administering power bombs to pit bulls? Freak that. The guy had an offer from an SEC school with a great winning tradition (in the Southwest Conference). Come on. And let’s not act like the zero notice thing isn’t what we would’ve done. How weird would that be to have to actually look at everyone once they knew you were gone?

This brings us to April 3rd. Bobby shows up at practice with a shit-eating grin and looking like he just walked through a tornado. He admits to not wearing a helmet. Nice move, I don’t wear protection either. So it eventually comes out that Bobby was not alone that day. In fact, he was with a somewhat boneable ex volleyball player that he had recently hired as a “recruiting assistant.” Classic move. Hire the twenty something blonde and then proceed to jam her on a daily basis. I see where he was going with this. We all know the rest of the story. Bobby was wrongly fired, and now there’s a standard dick pic rumor out there (which I applaud), and phone records showing that Bobby was texting a former Miss Motorcycle Mania bikini model. I respect that move because you know she puts out. With all that being said, there’s an all time great shitty guy out there looking for a job because for whatever reason, you can’t hire your engaged mistress for purposes of carrying on a secret affair which culminates in a motorcycle crash that left your face looking like you let 10 randos at Texas Tech ride your face. What a shame.

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