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Body Parts Are Now Washing Up On Shore In Rio, Olympics Will Be Fun

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The preparation for the Olympic Games in Rio this summer continues to go as planned.

From Reuters:

“Parts of a mutilated body washed up on the sands of Copacabana Beach in Rio de Janeiro on Wednesday, police said, just meters (yards) from where beach volleyball athletes will compete in the upcoming Olympics.

The discovery, first reported to a newspaper by a Rio street vendor, is the latest to unnerve the city as it grapples with rising crime, a recession and exhausted state finances at a time when it hoped to be celebrating the first Olympics ever held in South America.

The Olympics, which start August 5, were intended to show off an economic boom that has since fizzled in Latin America’s biggest country. Now the games come as the state of Rio de Janeiro awaits emergency funding of 2.9 billion reais ($892 million) to ensure financing for public services.

Earlier this week, police and firemen demonstrated at Rio‘s international airport, protesting their missed wages and greeting arriving passengers with a sign reading “Welcome to Hell.”

Listen, the Olympics have long since lost its shine. The competition just isn’t the same now that drug testing has been implemented. Give me the old days when we were butting heads with the juiced-up Soviets. Those were men and women truly willing to sacrifice their bodies for the good of their countries.

There isn’t an event I’ve felt compelled to watch since ice skater Tonya Harding planned a hit on Nancy Kerrigan. That blonde haired Walmart special of the week had the “win at all costs” attitude I want in my American athletes. I’ve snoozed through the Olympics ever since.

But the events that have occurred in the weeks leading up to the Rio games have me intrigued. Although I have no idea which athletes are competing in which events, here’s what I do know: The Zika virus is spreading like wildfire, police and firemen are providing tourists with warm welcome banners, and now we’ve got body parts washing up on the beach. No PR is bad PR, right?

The Zika virus threat is a wash for me. I’m of the belief that anytime you enter South America there is a 50/50 chance you will contract some sort of life threatening disease. I thought that was just common knowledge.

As for the washed up body parts and “Welcome to Hell” banners, now we’re talking. There is a strong chance that these Olympic Games resemble the real-life Hunger Games, in which case I’m definitely back on board. Anarchy is what will attract viewers and move the needle.

This could be the American rifle team’s time to shine. Yes, there are actually several shooting based events in the Summer Games. The USA has won more gold medals than any other country in history in these categories. No big deal.

I’ll be rooting for the USA and mayhem come August, in that order.

“Come back with gold or don’t come back at all,” coming to you from a Donald Trump campaign speech near you.

Godspeed, Olympians.

Image via Shutterstock

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If you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent!

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