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Boss Grandma Becomes Oldest Person To Finish Beer Mile, Says She Prefers Scotch

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An 81-year-old grandma named Elvira Montes became the oldest person to complete the “beer mile” — run 400 meters, chug a beer, run 400 meters, chug a beer, and so on. Finishing with a phenomenal time of 20:24, she beat out her middle-aged kids by fifty seconds. Her son-in-law didn’t even finish. Still, Elvira thinks she could have done a lot better, especially if she had scotch instead of beer.

From New York Post:

“I should have been a little faster,” Montes told Runner’s World.

Montes was first talked into participating in the event by her daughter, Renee. The oldest finisher in the field, she went out this year and beat her 47-year-old offspring by 50 seconds. Montes’ son-in-law didn’t finish.

“I told her that even though I don’t like beer, I’d try it,” Montes said. “I don’t have any secrets, I just wanted to prove to my daughter that I could run and drink beer.”

She prefers Chivas Regal on non-race days.

“If there’s nothing else to drink, I will drink the beer,” Montes told the Washington Post. “It was just like drinking water.”

Elvira can hang. Yeah, she prefers scotch, but she’ll take that cheap-ass peasant beer to the face if it’s all you got. Nanny ain’t no bitch. You gotta love spunky old ladies. Elvira’s the type of G-ma to pinch the young male waiter’s ass at a family outing and tell him, “Oh, boy, if I were 50 years younger and you weren’t one of them Mexicans…” And you know she let her pathetic son-in-law have it for not even finishing, but in the super innocent, passive-aggressive, soul-cutting way that only grandmas can do. “Don’t worry, Jim, my girl tells me all about how you can never finish her either, and she still loves you very much.” Just something that cut into the core of his being and made him question his very manhood.

Elvira’s a badass bitch.

[via New York Post]

Image via YouTube

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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