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Breaking Down Kim Jong-un’s Laughable Official Statement On The Sony Incident

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Kim Jong-un is not happy with the United States. Can you blame him, though? We decimated his internet access. That’s pretty brutal, but it’s not as if we’re picking on the loon for no reason. He was practically begging for it after the stunts he pulled last week.

He released an official statement (1,722 words in total) littered with broken English, regarding the Sony incident. He tossed in a few words for the U.S., too. Let’s break it down.

From Business Insider:

U.S. Urged to Honestly Apologize to Mankind for Its Evil Doing before Groundlessly Pulling up Others

That would be the title. If anyone can decipher this incoherent gibberish, my email is below.

Strange thing that happened in the heart of the U.S., the ill-famed cesspool of injustice, is now afloat in the world as shocking news.

The Sony Pictures Entertainment, the biggest movie producer in the U.S., which produced the undesirable reactionary film “The Interview” daring hurt the dignity of the supreme leadership of the DPRK and agitating even terrorism and had a plan to distribute it, was exposed to surprisingly sophisticated, destructive and threatening cyber warfare and has been thrown into a bottomless quagmire after suffering property losses worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

Very strange, huh, Kim? I’ll give him credit, though. It appears as if even he was surprised the attacks were so effective. I’ll just ignore the sentence that refers to the United States as “the ill-famed cesspool of injustice.” Last time I checked (and admittedly, I have not done so in a while), the United States was not a huge supporter of labor death camps to deal with unruly citizens.

The public in the U.S. is now describing this case as “disgrace suffered by Sony Pictures Entertainment,” “very sorry thing caused by the U.S.,” “Sony Pictures Entertainment showing a white flag before hackers” and the “unprecedented disaster suffered by the U.S.”

Come on now, you chicken nugget lookalike motherfucker. You know just as well as I do that at least two of those are completely fabricated claims. Sure, maybe it was a disgrace, but only because we are shocked they obeyed the orders spewing from your illiterate ass.

Now, let’s talk about this “unprecedented disaster.” If not seeing a movie is the worst thing to ever happen to this country, I’d say we’re sitting fucking pretty. I’d much rather not be able to see a movie (which will be released online), than live in an embarrassment to modern civilization.

The NDC of the DPRK highly estimates the righteous action taken by the “guardians of peace,” though it is not aware of their residence.

I really have no idea.

No wonder, even political and social circles of the U.S. commented that it is quite wrong to defame the head of the state for the mere reason that his politics is different from that of the U.S. and it is in the hostile relationship with the latter and, therefore, the Sony Pictures Entertainment got into a serious trouble and paid a due price.

Okay, no.

But what matters is that the U.S. and its followers are groundlessly trumpeting that the recent cyber attack was made by the DPRK.

The U.S. released a statement asserting that this loss was caused by the DPRK.

The FBI presented a report on the results of technical analysis of hacking program used by the “guardians of peace” for this attack, citing it as the ground that the serious hacking was caused by the DPRK.

Get to the fucking point, Kim. Are you going to dispute these claims, or would you like to continue incredulously repeating the same garbage?

Not satisfied with those groundless “evidence”, the FBI is letting loose ambiguous remarks that it is hard to fully prove due to the “protection of sensitive information sources.”

This means self-acknowledgement that the “assertion about the north’s deed” came from an intentional allegation rather than scientific evidence.

Moreover, the DPRK has never attempted nor made a “cyber-attack” on south Korea. The rumor about “cyber-attack” by the DPRK was a concoction made by the south Korean puppet regime and its plot.

After all, the grounds cited by the FBI in its announcement were all based on obscure sci-tech data and false story and, accordingly, the announcement itself is another fabrication. This is the DPRK’s stand on the U.S. gangster-like behavior against it.

I believe all of that illogical rambling is his way of saying, “It wasn’t me.”

This is like beating air after being hit hard. A saying goes every sin brings its punishment with it. It is best for the guilty to repent of its evil doings and draw a lesson when forced to pay dearly for them.

Kim, buddy, what the fuck are you trying to say? Beating air after being hit hard? And who are you to call out the United States of America for being “evil”? You killed your own uncle, you cowardly, pathetic excuse of blubber.

Fighters for justice including “guardians of peace” who turned out in the sacred drive for cooperation in the fight against the U.S. to defend human justice and conscience and to dismember the U.S. imperialists, the root cause of all sorts of evils and kingpin of injustice, are sharpening bayonets not only in the U.S. mainland but in all other parts of the world.

Okay, Kimmy. Whatever you say, bud.

Whoever challenges justice by toeing the line of the biggest criminal U.S. will never be able to escape merciless punishment as it is the target of the sacred drive for cooperation in the fight against the U.S.

The U.S. should reflect on its evil doings that put itself in such a trouble, apologize to the Koreans and other people of the world and should not dare pull up others.

I’m sure we’ll consider it. We’ll also consider razing your entire fucking nation, but that’s not our main ambition, unlike your unceasing boner to see the collapse of the United States. Suck a dick, pudgy.

If you’d like to read the incoherent filth in its entirety, it can be found HERE.

Image via Shutterstock

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Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a Senior Freelance Writer for TFM News and a former summer pledge intern at TFMHQ. His Spotify playlists are pure garbage. Email:

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