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Breaking Down The Dumbest Demands SJWs Have Made On College Campuses

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In 2016, you can’t throw a rock at a small college without hitting a protester. They denounce anything that threatens their fragile, special, snowflake lifestyle. To them, everything is an attack on their heritage and implied liberties. In that vein, let’s see some of their most brazen requests from this spring that The Daily Beast compiled.

Nix English Classes That Only Teach The Works Of Male Poets (Yale)

English Literature majors at Yale (who the fuck gets into Yale just to study English Lit?) are required to take a class on the eight great poets: Chaucer, Edmund Spenser, Shakespeare, John Donne, Milton, Alexander Pope, William Wordsworth and T.S. Eliot. As someone who got a B+ in a gen ed lit course freshman year, I consider myself the authority on poetry, and I can say with conviction that these eight are probably the most influential English poets. Some pissed off feminazis wanted the class to integrate female poets or be scrapped altogether. Save for Emily Dickinson, women didn’t really make their mark on poetry until the likes of Sylvia Plath and Elizabeth Bishop came around 60 or 70 years ago. Literature and poetry, like most other arts, was largely dominated by wealthy white guys until the waning half of the 19th century.

Segregated Safe Spaces And Housing (Arizona and NYU)

Some “marginalized students” at Arizona (the lone state school representative here) and NYU called for an overturn of Brown v. Board when they petitioned for race/orientation-specific safe spaces and housing. For example, Arizona’s black students wanted a residence hall for only black students (no mention if white students would be permitted to live there if they identified as black). For the sake of irony, I hope they planned to name it after a Civil Rights Activist.

An End To Cross-Cultural Practices/Food/Symbol

A white kid with dreads was attacked, some Asians bitched about the authenticity of the General Tso’s (oh, the irony), and some people are bound to get pissed off by the sight of a sombrero.

I don’t like when students of different backgrounds take calculus. My people invented it, not yours.

Get Rid Of Grades And Tests For Flunkies

Boosh covered the abolitionist’s cry for no more failing grades a few weeks ago. In a nutshell, students at the epicenter of the PC shitstorm (Oberlin College) didn’t feel as though tests and grades were an accurate metric of learning and aptitude and all grades below a C (i.e. all failing grades) should be thrown out. Moreover, students who were too busy protesting or being triggered to study should be allowed alternative means to demonstrate their understanding of the material. Maybe they could hold a fundraiser or something.

The scary trend here is the swelling of these social justice warriors’ balls. They’ve grown to sizes so large, administrators and professors have a hard time seeing that, by continuing to give these students a platform to bitch and make ridiculous demands, they’re only hurting their school. Students aren’t fighting for real justice anymore; they’re fighting because liberal arts colleges are enablers. These ultra-expensive private schools are run like businesses now and the students are their customers. Administrations cater to the whiniest of students because of the inordinate amount of money they (their parents) spend on their education. Small, and some large, colleges are reluctant to tell these students to shut the fuck up because they’re afraid they’ll be out of a job when these kids either transfer, sue, or leave a mean comment on the college’s Facebook page.

One of two things is bound to happen: Either a counterculture of social ignorance will choke out the cry for social justice and lead us back to the Jim Crow days, or the PC bubble will burst and liberal arts schools will start to go under. Schools like Oberlin and Occidental will see their enrollment and accreditation suffer when employers see a diploma from these schools as unfit to wipe their ass.

Both seem like bold predictions, but this trend towards the total eradication of cultural appropriation and microaggressions has the power to completely destroy smaller, liberal arts colleges.

Image via Shutterstock

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Kramer Smash

Unabashed Pitt alum with an affinity for brown girls and Manhattans. Send lovelies to

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