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Business Insider Calls Diamond Rings “A Sham”

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If ever a man has figured out a way to get every woman in America to pick up a torch and pitchfork, it’s this article. I could practically hear the sound, in the far off distance, of women breaking out any and all sharp objects nearby. This guy, I can only conclude, has a death wish. Either that, or he just isn’t into women. Those are really his only two options, because he’s fucking up, one way or another.

Rings have, for a very long time, been a symbol of an everlasting bond. The origins are probably in that old ouroboros symbol (the snake eating it’s tail), and rings have been found going WAY back into history. The point is, these things are important. They’ve been culturally important for over a thousand years, and this guy is rocking the boat because he thinks diamonds are overpriced, and specifically because the ring market was dying until a clever ad campaign in the 30s. That may well be, but far be it for me to start things off with a future wife by going “Babe, I really love you, but I’m not buying into the global diamond monopoly held by the De Beers, so I just got you a plain ring, sans rock, and invested all the money I saved in my IRA, for the future.”

Is he out of his goddamn mind? There is no way to end a serious relationship faster, short of freak spontaneous combustion.

The article does cover the modern rise of engagement rings pretty well, but the historical and financial context is pretty much a moot point. You try telling a girl, who has reeled one of us fine fraternity gentlemen in, that it isn’t a solid investment because it’s a depreciating asset with no intrinsic investment market value. Show me a guy that will use that line, and I’ll show you a guy getting a hefty divorce and losing half his assets in 5 years, if he even makes it through the wedding.

The way I see it, engagement and wedding rings are in investment in my future. Specifically, in my future happiness. If there’s one thing my Dad has made abundantly clear in his advice to me, in a marriage, if she isn’t happy, you aren’t going to be happy. I know when some girl sees fit to put up with all my shenanigans and drag me to the alter, she’s probably going to need to work out to be able to carry that rock around, because that’s the smart investment.

[via Business Insider]


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Scientist, internet comedian, future supervillain. I still refuse to believe I've graduated college.

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