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The Ten Commandments of Politics read as follows:
1.-9.) Don’t Tweet pictures of your meatstick
10.) Don’t compare your opponents to Nazis
That’s it. That’s the whole list. Violate either, and risk your career losing all credibility. Anything else is child’s play. Stick a cigar up an intern’s ladyparts? Men will call you a legend, Mr. President. Cheat on your wife who’s recovering from cancer surgery? Don’t sweat it; you’ll end up a front-runner in the GOP primary. Drive off a bridge in Martha’s Vineyard, leading to the death of your main squeeze? Pfft, you’ll still be the fourth-longest serving Senator in United States history.
Don’t Tweet pictures of your meatstick. Don’t compare your opponents to Nazis. That’s it. That’s the whole list.
Now say it ten times, and repeat it to the chairman of the largest delegation who will be in Charlotte for this week’s DNC.
In an interview with the San Francisco Chronicle on Saturday, John Burton said, “They lie and they don’t care if people think they lie. Joseph Goebbels. It’s the big lie, you keep repeating it.” Goebbels was the minister of propaganda during Hitler’s Nazi regime.
Burton was referring specifically to Ryan, whose speech at the Republican convention in Tampa last week has been criticized by Democrats for inaccuracies.
“How can a senior citizen believe him when he says I’m going to save your Medicare or that my budget balances,” said Burton reacting to Ryan’s remarks.
Burton expanded on his comments with ABC Affiliate KGO, saying, “If you’re not telling the truth, you’re lying. Joseph Goebbels’ concept was the big lie. If you tell it enough, people will think it’s the truth.”
President Obama’s campaign rejected Burton’s comments just hours before their convention kicked off.
“That obviously doesn’t reflect the views of the campaign,” said Obama for America National Press Secretary Ben LaBolt. “That doesn’t have any place in the political discourse here in Charlotte.”
That’s right. Paul Ryan presenting his interpretation of fiscal balance sheets is the impeccable equivalent of one of Hitler’s top aides Joseph Goebbels taking control of every aspect of the media, and using his despotic power to incite an entire nation into burning down synagogues and dragging hoards of Jews to concentration camps.
Move along, nothing to see here, people.
No, Burton was not directly saying that Republicans are the equivalent of Nazis. He’s saying the techniques are similar. Doesn’t matter. That’s not the point.
Don’t Tweet pictures of your meatstick. Don’t compare your opponents to Nazis. Call him something dumb like Jeremy Lin instead. Seriously, Mr. President, what does that even mean? So just to be sure, basically, when you say that you’re the Miami Heat, you’re equating yourself to a bunch of jerk players that call the worst sports city in America home. Meanwhile, you’re saying that Mitt Romney’s a guy who went to Harvard on his own merits, kept finding ways to shock the world when no one gave him a chance, and is now loaded because he cashed in on his talent. Yeah, way to really lay the full-court press on your opponent, Barry.
But as dumb and inconsequential as that analogy is, it’s still a million times better than what Burton said.
Don’t Tweet pictures of your meatstick. Don’t compare your opponents to Nazis. Don’t even bring them up. Not their names, not their methods. I’d be afraid of even wearing Haynes underwear, for fear of guilt by association with Michael Jordan’s Hitler ‘stache. Once you hear the Nazi analogy, you turn and you run. It’s like the childhood game, “The Floor Is Lava” that you played at your granny’s house. The entire floor is made up of scorching hot murderous Nazis eager to burn off your feet and sodomize you in the anus. Don’t touch it. Stay on NaNa’s plastic-covered couch and keep your eyes averted like the Lost Ark was being opened.
Don’t Tweet pictures of your meatstick. Don’t compare your opponents to Nazis. Fail to do either, and your career will likely meet the same end as these guys.
- [via The Weekly Standard]