Spring break, you’re the gift that keeps on giving. Seriously, you’re just making my job that much easier. Today, we have a stick of a man in Jesus cruisers and a pink tank top writing a check his ass wasn’t even close to being able to cash. It’s fight or flight, and our boy decides to go with the latter. There’s just one problem, which you’ll discover around the 14-second mark of the video below.
The angle of entry and general diving form into the pavement was sloppy, and there’s just no way around that. You have to keep those legs straight, player. This dive is a soft 5, and that’s me being generous, honestly.
But in all seriousness, can you really fault this kid for running away from a fight? Dude might be a buck-ten, buck-fifteen at most. Sure, continuing to taunt from the bed of a getaway truck did him no favors, and him getting a face-full of asphalt as a result was more than justified, but he was dealt a shit hand in this game we call life. He clearly has the coordination of a newborn giraffe in a pair of six-inch hooker heels, so you can imagine the abortion that is his attempt at fighting. There was just no winning scenario for Mr. Pink once he got into this confrontation..
Update — Email from pink tank top:
Sorry for the ridiculous email address. Can never be too safe.
So, I heard that you may have picked up a video of me falling out of a pickup truck. I would appreciate if you didn’t post it and I’ll tell you why.
Number one, I was blackout as fuck (obviously) and those guys just started picking a fight with me because (apparently) I was acting like I was going to take one of their beers. Look at the video. I’m a skinny drunk as fuck white kid and they’re a large group of Spurs fans. They could kick my ass so easily it’s not even fair. So they’re just starting a fight with me for really no reason.
My false bravado can only be attributed to liquid courage and my sense of humor. I obviously had no intentions of fighting them, but if they’re going to kick my ass I’m sure gonna fuck with them.
Then there’s the matter of the truck. I hop in the back of this random truck cause I thought it would be a funny getaway, dude floors it to knock me off. And to top it all off, they trip me.
So I guess that was all excuses for why I didn’t deserve to be that injured, and also I think this video is just another reason to shit on Greek life (as I’m wearing a sorority tank) when really the assholes are the Spurs fans.
Anyways, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t post it, but if you really want to at least give me some dignity. (shots at the chacos are fine)