======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Are you sitting in a library right now? Have you been there for a long time? Has your diet been a steady dosage of Adderall, caffeine, and nicotine? Have all your human interactions gone something like this?
Random Person: Is anyone sitting there?
You: GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!
Random Person: Jesus, sorry.
(*Starts to leave*)
You: WAIT! You have an addy?
Random Person: No, do you?
You: GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!!
Yeah, well, no one cares. Why? Because you ain’t got SHIT on the Chinese.
In case you missed it, those Chinese kids are studying for a college entrance exam, i.e. the Chinese SAT. I assume the Chinese SAT is basically a combination of the National Spelling Bee and “The Hunger Games,” except with more dead teenagers.
It wasn’t pictured but just out of frame there was a cadre of armed guards, led by the school’s frightening principal, who was laughing a menacing Chinese laugh and wearing an eye patch.
“You wirr rearn the coursework or YOU WIRR REARN PAIN!”
Here are some more terrifying pictures of Chinese kids plugged into IV’s, memorizing math equations like they’re the combination to a safe holding an antidote to a poison they just swallowed.
So basically the Chinese government knows that their kids are going to be studying to the point of exhaustion and plans accordingly. There’s no way these Chinese kids retain much sanity or common sense after these insane cram sessions. That actually explains a lot, like why Chinese college exchange students have no sense of basic concepts like “traffic.” I swear if I had a nickel for every time I almost hit a confused Chinese exchange student who wandered into the street I’d have enough nickels to pay a factory full of the kids who failed this test.
So the next time you read some article, see a news story, or hear some dipshit old person complaining about American students abusing medication to study, and then listen to them talk about Chinese test scores, politely request that they take a giant step backwards and FUCK THEIR OWN FACE.
This story, by the way, is the tip of the iceberg. I guarantee Chinese students have been on speed and God knows what else for fucking decades. So good luck on finals! It’s up to you to make sure these little fuckers don’t become our anti-social overlords.
Follow me on Twitter @BaconTFM