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Our Commenter of the Week just set the bar unattainably high for future winners. I sent him interview questions but he completely ignored them and decided to interview himself instead. He’s a character, and he’s also been published five times on this site before. I asked him to write more because he’s legit a funny fuck, also the below is completely unedited so he’s not borderline illiterate like most of you.
He’s been a member of the site since May of 2014 and holds a ranking of Fifth Year. He’s SharkWeekTFM and everything following this sentence was written by him, verbatim.
If you’ll indulge me, I present SharkWeekTFM Interviews Himself
SharkWeekTFM: First things first. Why did you even go to college in the first place?
SharkWeekTFM: My main goal over the last several years has been to help bring more understanding and cooperation between sharks and fraternities. In order to do that I had to be where the right people were. Since those people are in fraternities, going to college was a no brainer.
SharkWeekTFM: How did you decide that you wanted to pledge and how did you decide which house was right for you?
SharkWeekTFM: To get an authentic understanding I knew I had to go all in. Plus, I knew even before I got on campus that true fraternity could be a beautiful thing.
SharkWeekTFM: Why do you think you have been able to achieve such a place of influence and recognition on TFM?
SharkWeekTFM: It didn’t happen overnight. At first it was hard. For a while I was only making general comments on wall posts, videos, and pictures. I would leave a #SharkFact that vaguely related to the content. Then I realized that the best way to accomplish my goal and deepen my own experience was to actually participate. Once I did that things started to change.
SharkWeekTFM: What is the hardest part about being a shark in a fraternity?
SharkWeekTFM: Once I was in it wasn’t that hard. Obviously there were difficulties and inconveniences involving logistics for initiation and other things. I had to get pretty creative when it came to educating pledges too. But I think creativity is what got me elected to Pledge Educator in the first place. But if I had to say one thing, I’d say it gets old when no one believes I actually have an aquarium in my room.
SharkWeekTFM: Why fraternities? Why not college students in general?
SharkWeekTFM: There are a lot of connections between fraternities and sharks that can help each other. It could be little things like how fraternities like beach parties and sharks know about beaches. One of the big ones though is that both cultures are very vulnerable to negative publicity. We could compare notes and learn how to better avoid bringing it upon ourselves and then how to better handle it when it does happen.
SharkWeekTFM: What would be your advice for a freshman considering pledging?
SharkWeekTFM: One thing you have to consider is that pledging is about yourself AND others. You should understand that you will change and that change of any kind is hard. You should also ask yourself what you bring to the table. Don’t get overly self-critical but make sure that your personality, abilities, and attitude will help an organization. You might not be a fit for the top house, and that’s ok. You want to be in the house that will benefit from who you are and one that is invested in cultivating you to be a better person by allowing you to utilize your gifts for mutual benefit.
SharkWeekTFM: Any advice for a fraternity member in a long distance relationship?
SharkWeekTFM: The golden rule for long distance relationships is this: don’t do them. There are exceptions to this rule but only a few. Why are you wanting to put yourself through this. Are you worried it’ll be too much work to start over being single? Are you worried you won’t find anyone as hot/cool/willing to swallow as she is? You don’t want to compromise your entire college experience. The fact that you guys didn’t try to go to the same school says something to me about how serious your relationship ever was to start. If she is just still in high school and you’re trying to hold out until she graduates, I’d say just “take a break.” Unless the idea of having your sword swallowed by some random hot blonde with glorious chest burgers makes you nauseous, you should probably give each other some breathing room. If it’s meant to be it’ll work out. Enjoy college while you can.
SharkWeekTFM: What if a guy is in a house he feels he doesn’t fit in with anymore?
SharkWeekTFM: Stay the course. Barring physical, psychological, or legal danger, quitting is not an option. Like I’ve said, fraternity is about others as well as you. At some point there was something you liked about this place. Try to remember what those things are. See if you can rediscover them. See if you can recreate or cultivate those aspects back into the house. There might be other guys feeling the same way. If that doesn’t work remember you owe this place something; not necessarily the active members and certainly not the pledges but you need to give back what you’ve been given with interest. That’s a valuable lesson to learn in this life. If you can start practicing that now, you will be a happier person.
SharkWeekTFM: What is so special about Shark Week?
SharkWeekTFM: I don’t understand the question.
SharkWeekTFM: Thanks for your time.
SharkWeekTFM: No prob.
Image via Shutterstock