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Complaining Will Ruin You

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Complaining Will Ruin You

Let me give you what will probably be the whitest retelling of yesterday’s Kanye-Wiz Khalifa Twitter feud. Kanye is releasing an album on February 11. On Tuesday, he decided he’d change the name of the album (a second time) to “Waves.” This should seem like a small deal but here’s where Wiz Khalifa comes in. Wiz feels that he has some ownership over the word “Wavy,” which I’m recently finding out is a way to describe getting or being high on the marijuana (I have one black friend on Facebook whose posts are now making a lot more sense). Wiz tweets that Kanye doesn’t really embody everything that comes with the word “wavy” and encourages him to change the name of his album. He closes this argument by tweeting something about “Hitting this kk.” Kanye mistakenly takes this as a shot at his wife Kim Kardashian (it’s actually a strain of marijuana) and goes on an epic rant that you can find all over the internet.

Epic isn’t even a big enough word for the rant. Not only did it teach us about Kanye’s body issues — one deleted tweet actually said “I wish I were skinny and tall” as if we were hearing him whisper as he checked himself out in the mirror — but we also got a response from Amber Rose who decided to let everyone know Kanye likes a finger in the butt. Thank God, by the way. Finally, a celebrity can normalize the amazing spa-like experience of having a bidet with a brain. I mean… I guess I’d try that. And if all of that fun information wasn’t enough, the biggest news of it all was that Kanye ended Wiz Khalifa’s career.

It’s over. Wiz had a petty complaint and Kanye came in and said that Wiz is nothing to him. That Wiz only exists because of the roads Kanye paved. It was at the point when Kanye basically said “16 of all” that I started to wonder if Wiz would just go crazy from the whole thing. Turn into one of those leather-clad fetish gimps. Then Kanye would hold a press conference where a leashed Wiz Khalifa stood next to him crying as Kanye screamed, “Go ahead, fuck with me.” Maybe it won’t get that bad. Maybe he’ll still have money. Maybe he’ll still have some level of fame. But in the first sentence of this article I called one rapper by a single name and the other by a full name your mom wouldn’t recognize. Wiz Khalifa just assured himself that he will never be a one-name celebrity.

Wiz Khalifa made the mistake I’ve made many times: He chose the wrong spot to complain. I’ve been him. I’ve had one small thing that seemed like a personal assault eat at my soul. I’ve thought about it day in and day out. Told the story to friends under my own lens so that they’d agree with me on the severity. I’d then imagine how I’d bring it up. How I’d have this epic rant and tell my opposition why I was so right and get them to change. Then I’d puff my chest out, bring my argument straight to my aggressor’s door, and he’d tell me a perfectly good reason I was wrong. He’d point out five things I’d never thought about. He’d point out how I was late that one day and I never wrote him that proposal he asked for Tuesday. He’d see my point but then point out how small the whole thing was to even bring up in the first place.

Choosing my spots has really been the biggest lesson I keep learning after college. In college, if you feel a grade is wrong or a test was too hard, you have a whole crew of classmates who are always going to be on your side. The real world is a lonely game. Every time I’ve felt wronged and brought it up, I never felt better. I never felt vindicated. The wrong was never righted and even if I got half of what I wanted, there was never a crowd of people chanting my name. I’d just turn back to my shitty position that wasn’t that bad to begin with.

And this happens to people in every industry. A couple weeks ago, a bunch of female comedians said that Amy Schumer stole jokes from them. If you look at the tape, there’s not one ironclad example. All the examples are very good examples of parallel thought. There’s not one thing that anyone could choose a side on. And you know what? Tie goes to the person who shuts the fuck up.

I never got into The Wire (okay, I will – relax), but I do know a key line in the series: “Come at the king, you best not miss.” I think about this anytime I feel wronged. Feeling wronged and being wronged are two totally different things and this line helps me take a quick gasp of air to think about that. Because complain once and miss, and it’s fine. Come back with a second complaint and now you’re a complainer. Maybe Wiz Khalifa will think about that when he’s eventually mad at his new boss at Foot Locker.

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Jared Freid (@jtrain56) is a New York City-based comedian who has been featured on MTV’s Failosophy and is the host of The JTrain Podcast presented by TFM.

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