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Crossfaded British Student Gives Elderly Woman Golden Shower In Café Then Slaps Manager On His Way Out

pret a manger cafe british student alcohol drugs

Taking a seemingly innocuous story and perverting it into something college-aged degenerates like yourselves will find interesting takes creativity. When we’re lucky, a softball story like this gets lobbed to us like an already opened piss-warm can of light beer.

From Mirror:

A teenage university student got drunk and urinated over a 72-year old woman as she sipped coffee inside a Pret A Manger cafe, a court heard.

Mason Hudson, 19, had been under the influence of drink and drugs following a music festival in Manchester when he decided to relieve himself on customers shortly after the shop opened for breakfast.

Elderly victim Janet Frazer, who was sat at a table at the cafe’s Portland Street branch, screamed and had to move away as she was splashed by Hudson who is in his first year at University of Sunderland.

The undergraduate, a former pupil at a Catholic comprehensive school, then calmly finished answering his call of nature on the floor – before slapping shocked cafe manager Nathan Withers in the face as he walked out.

We’ve read innumerable stories of stupid college kids who can’t handle the substances they ingest and end up getting arrested for stealing something, stumbling into a summons for pissing on someone’s front door, etc. Some of us even are those stupid kids. I admit that I’ve broken the seal in some interesting places — on the sides of houses, down basement steps, into closets, on people I met on the personals section of Craigslist — but our boy Mason from the University of Sunderland made it rain on an old woman then slapped the shop’s manager before getting hauled away by the local authorities. This sounds like how I plan on quitting my day job after I win the Powerball.

For as dumb as music festivals are (doing drugs in a field with other shitfaced children is stupid no matter the context), they provide us with some spectacular tales of impaired amateurs finding innovative ways to land themselves in cuffs. In a departure from the usual wacky music festival tomfoolery (like passionately sodomizing a raccoon or ripping a fat rail off of a police cruiser), our friend upped the, “Shit, I did what this morning?” ante in Manchester.

As a final note, let’s be thankful this happened across the pond. Plop this kid down in Florida and someone might’ve been eaten.

[via Mirror]

Image via YouTube

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Kramer Smash

Unabashed Pitt alum with an affinity for brown girls and Manhattans. Send lovelies to kraysmash@gmail.com

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