NEW TFM Videos Section

Watch thousands of hilarious videos from college campuses across the country.

Watch Now

Cubs Victory Rally Was 7th Largest Gathering In Human History, But We Can Do Better

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

cubs victory parade

Over 5 million people turned out to the Chicago Cubs victory parade and rally in Chicago last Friday. Seems about right for ending a legendary century long drought.

The Cubs then went to Disney World on Saturday after their historic win to be in another, only slightly less crowded parade.

Some helpful reporters have run the numbers and determined that the Cubs’ victory rally actually tallies in at the 7th largest gathering in human history. Honestly, 5 million people doesn’t sound like much anymore. After all, it’s only about 5% of the number of people who watched this cat video.

But put it into perspective: 5 million people is about twice the population of the city of Chicago, 5 times the population of the major cities of ancient Greece and Egypt, and 10% of the total estimated population of the Roman Empire at its height. In one fucking place.

Still, this is America, where we don’t settle for #7 (unless we’re talking who’s best at being #7, that is). Here are the six mass gatherings we’re going to have to outcompete to take the title:

6. World Youth Day – 5 Million

What the hell is World Youth Day? Sounds like a hippie thing. 5 mil’s pretty close anyway. I’m going to adjust the margin of error and move the Cubs up to bump the #6 spot.

5. Papal gathering in the Philippines – 6 million

Okay, so people in the Philippines really like the Pope. Again, I think if you count the number of people in Chicago Periscoping or going Facebook Live, that takes us up to #5. But you don’t get on the podium in Mario Kart at #5, so let’s keep trucking.

4. Funeral of Ayatollah Khomeini – 10 million

Really? We couldn’t get more than half as many people at a Cubs rally as were at Sauron’s funeral? We need to do better.

3. Funeral of CN Annadurai – 15 million

Who is Annadurai? An Indian politician who died of cancer two years into office. Since funerals are a big theme on this list, maybe we should just go ahead and also count all the Cubs fans who went to the Great Game Day Couch in the Sky before they ever saw their Cubs win that were there at the victory rally in spirit. That would easily put us over 15 million.

2. Arbaeen Festival in Iraq – 17 million

This is a huge festival. Seriously. The photos are kind of terrifying. To get over this one, we’d have to also throw in the sum total of the nation’s dogs in Cubs jerseys.

1. Kumbh Mela Pilgrimage, India – 30 million

Bill Murray is a Cubs fan. Bill Murray is worth 30 million people on his own. We can claim the #1 spot if we want, but India could use the W, so we’ll let them fly it.

Image via YouTube

Email this to a friend

Doctor Franzia

*Not qualified to practice medicine*

7 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

The Feed