Dad Writes Hilarious NFL Scouting Report For His Infant Son

Houston Texans Dad Writes Hilarious NFL Scouting Report For His Infant Son

Aside from J.J. Watt’s 20.5 sacks, 59 tackles, three receiving touchdowns, and his interception returned for a touchdown against Buffalo, most of the Houston Texans’ season was pretty mundane. Coming off a 14-game losing streak the prior season, the Texans went 9-7 but still found themselves excluded from the NFL playoffs for the second straight year. Blame the Harvard grad, Ryan Fitzpatrick.

It seems as if a glimmer of hope might be on the horizon, though, for a Texans franchise that has only had two playoff appearances since the team’s inception in 2002.

On Sunday, a hopeful father compiled a great scouting report for his son and posted it to the Texans’ Reddit feed. From the sounds of it, the boy might just have the talents that could translate very well to a successful career in the NFL. Then again, he’s only an infant, so maybe it’s too early to say.

The dad’s analysis is phenomenal nonetheless:

His technique is still very raw.

Right now I’d characterize him as a “scrappy, gym rat” but he is going to be putting on a lot of mass during the offseason.

He has a hard time seeing the whole field and going through his progressions because his neck doesn’t fully support his head. Trainers aren’t worried. Cannot currently make all NFL throws.

Good, loud hard count, strong cadence, can be heard from many rooms away.

System guy, has been coddled thus far in his career. Will need coaching up. But has some experience taking snaps from center. Mother forbids him line up in the gun for the time being.

Poor footwork, has yet to take first steps so his drop backs are rough. Not a mobile QB, definitely won’t blow anyone away with his speed

Impressive eye discipline. Looks off his mother (in-house safety) before peeing directly on her.

Film junkie. Will watch film all night if his dad forgets to move him from in front of the computer.

Durable. No injury history whatsoever.

Questions about his mental toughness. Can whine about teammates. Has yet to show true leadership skills. No off the field trouble to speak of but immaturity is definitely a concern.

If he declared today I’d consider him a late round prospect purely for his high upside. Recommend holding off and continuing to develop before foregoing eligibility.

Hell, it sounds like he could at the very least outplay guys like T.J. Yates and Charlie Whitehurst with his current skill set, so maybe some team will take a late-round Hail Mary on the kid.

Then again, Voss — as his dad indicated was his name — is only a newborn, so it might be some 20 years or so before he actually sees any time under an NFL center. It never hurts to be forward thinking though, so it’s a good thing his dad has put him on NFL scouts’ radars pretty early on.

Let’s just hope Voss can stay away from the riff-raff for the time being and truly focus on developing his skill set. The Texans need him.

[via Reddit]

Image via Shutterstock

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Ashley Schaeffer BMW

Ashley Schaeffer is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move. If you thought he was a woman, he'll take that as a compliment, because he loves women. Wooh. He's proud to hold two degrees from Penn State, and certainly contributed to the university's reputable rankings in the party school category during his time there. He's even more proud to anchor the TFM News team. Feel free to hit up his pager or drop an email ( with any warranted leads, or just to shoot the breeze about Philly sports. In the meantime, drop by his dealership for great deals on gently used BMW's.

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