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The Dallas Cowboys Hazed Their Rookies By Making Them Cover A $55,000 Dinner Tab

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NFL teams have some amazing hazing traditions when it comes to breaking in the new rookies. There’s the classic duct tape to the goalpost schtick (which is vastly underutilized, in my opinion). There’s the carrying of veterans’ equipment by rookies during training camp. And of course, there’s the “going out to dinner and running up a ridiculously high bill and then making the new guys pay for it” “gag” that isn’t really a gag because it is very, very real for the rookies but is still funny nonetheless. And no NFL team seems to have this tradition down as well as the Dallas Cowboys.

The Cowboys, whose 5-1 record will likely implode if Tony Romo returns under center, recently treated themselves to a rookie dinner and ran up a nearly $55,000 tab in the process. To put that in perspective, take your salary from an entire year, live on the streets, don’t pay your student loans, suck dick for crack that you can then sell, and then maybe, MAYBE you’ll have enough money to fund half of this dinner.

Ha. Classic rookie hazing. Classssssssic. *readies cup full of bleach because he doesn’t have enough money to pay for a single shot of LOUIS XIII Cognac*’s Mike Fisher has more on the exclusive dinner:

“Yeah, the whole team was there, and it was amazing,” [team captain Barry] Church said of the gathering at Nick and Sam’s steakhouse. “The rookies took care of everything. We had an amazing time.”

There was a time in the NFL and with the Cowboys [when] these ‘rookie dinners’ featured position groups going out together and running up huge bills on the first-year players. Dez Bryant … told me this team dinner was nothing like that.

“Nope, because as far as I know, lots of the guys just paid for themselves,” said Dez, long an advocate of brotherhood over hazing. “Nobody getting punished. Everybody together.”

So, it looks like me and Dez Bryant have different views on whether brotherhood or hazing is more fun. We also differ on how much of an honor it is to get drafted by my fantasy team in the second round in back-to-back years, you oft-injured asshat!!!

I always wonder if the rooks who made the team after going undrafted have to pay the same amount as the first-round guys. Spread the love, Zeke.

Enjoy the fun while you can, boys. The Romo Train could very well be on its way back to the station, and there’s no stopping it on its one-way trip to the bottom of the NFC East. Bon voyage.

[via Imgur,]

Image via Imgur

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El Taco

Either a war hero or war criminal depending on how you look at it

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