If you ever wonder why Steve Holt prefers to go either missionary with the lights off or without sex at all, these little stories should shed some light on that.
People try to explore their sexuality by experimentation. Like the experimentation I used to do in Mr. Robinson’s 7th-grade science class, it usually ends in failure and embarrassment. Here are just some of the vile, most disturbing sex acts people have tried, courtesy of Reddit dot com.
This is a bit of a long story but stick with me. I was out and about on the town and had a long night of whiskey neats. My friends and I decided to stop and eat at local pizza place that stays open till 2 a.m. We’re sitting drunk as fuck eating away at the four pizzas we ordered between the three of us, and I see this cute girl staring at me. She had short brown hair, amazingly bright green eyes, make up that almost gave her a cat like appearance.(hold on to that). So I approach her introduce my self to her and find out her name is, lets say “Selina”. I end up getting Selina to come back to my table and introduce her to the guys. About five minuets later shes rubbing my cock under the table and she was just about as drunk as I was. So I’m thinking to my self alright I’m taking her home, and I get up to tell my friends who, obviously knew what was going on by there giggles and looks my way, that I was leaving with Selina. So me and her get to my apartment and i notice on the walk home she almost making a noise like she was purring, but fuck she was hot. so about half an hour later, i’m ball deep giving it to her and I told her was about to cum so I pulled out, and she went down and gave me head to finish me off. I cum in her mouth, I’m laying down next thing I know Selina spits my cum in to my belly button and started to lick it out and meowed like a cat while doing it. I had no idea what to do in my drunken stupor so i meowed back.
A real life Catwoman.
I briefly dated a guy who had a little bit of a meth issue.
A peculiar side effect of meth, in his case, was that he loved eating ass. For hours. Even the highest quality rimjob gets boring eventually, but he was SO into it, it felt wrong to ask him to stop.
Remind me to stay away from the meth.
I had a blowjob so good from some girl that it made me start crying. I have no idea what the fuck she did with her hands, tongue, jaw, blowing bubbles, humming. She literally took every single internet tip and combined into the weirdest, most intense fucking blowjob known to man. Everything came out of me.
She has the mouth of an angel.
Told the guy I was on my period, said he didn’t care. He started pulling down my PJ’s when I told him I had a tampon in. He said oh that’s fine, proceeded to pull out my tampon with his teeth then go down on me.
Just a little extra zinc in the diet.
I don’t know what it was called but I named it milk the cow. My girlfriend at the time was training to be a massage therapist and had me get on all fours while she lubed up her hands and my dick. Then from behind she vigorously went hand over hand stroking down while I yelled out ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Your ex girlfriend is now giving happy endings to wealthy businessmen.
I didn’t have time to say stop, not that I would have even if I knew what she was planning. I was getting a blow job and she told me to tell her when I was about to cum. I figured she just didn’t like cum in her mouth and was a little disappointed but I get it. So when the moment arrived and I was as close to exploding as possible, I manged to warn her that I was about to cum and she – no joke – puts the tip of my dick into one of her nostrils, plugs the other side, and snorted my load as if it was a big line of cocaine.
Semen is a narcotic drug in some countries.
In high school, I was getting frisky with a dude who I had been on a couple of dates with, and he started licking my armpit. Like, really licking it. And then he asked me, “Doesn’t that feel good?” and I was too awkward to tell him it was weird.
Ohhh yeah baby. Do you like that?
She pissed on me during sex. Felt so good I just rolled with it. After she insisted on bathing me, drying me, powdering my ass and nuts and tucking me in for a nap.
She’s going to make a great mom.
Had a guy who thought he was a wolf and asked me to finger his asshole and suck his cock while he howled. I regret things.
Just a man who knows what he’s after.
A girl I was dating a few years back jiggled the lock on the bathroom door while I was dropping a deuce, let herself into the room and shut the door behind her, and asked if she could suck my dick while I took a shit because she’d always wanted to try that.
Of course I said yes, but it was pretty awkward pushing out turds, hearing them splash into the bowl, with a girl between my legs going to town and knowing she had to be able to smell poop but didn’t care. Pretty good otherwise.
The infamous blumpkin strikes again.
My girlfriend really likes pizza pizza creamy garlic sauce. She was eating a pizza and wanted to suck my dick, so she just dipped it in the dip and went at it. After we had sex and she just kept eating her pizza. To her credit we were both really drunk but damn does that girl love pizza.
Hot and ready.
Once a girl started licking my neck. Which was fine…then she moved on to my chin, which was a little weird, then she started licking all over my face.
You were actually making out with a dog.
Guy from one of my classes in college asked if I wanted to leave a party with him, his girlfriend and his girlfriend’s sister.
We went to his place and drank for a bit. He starts making out with his girlfriend and I follow the mood and start making out with his girlfriend’s sister. He starts having sex with his girlfriend on the couch across from us, so again, we follow he mood and start having sex ourselves. Being in the same room, one thing led to another and it turns into a foursome. We even swapped girls.
I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it but it was weird as fuck knowing this guy was cool with me fucking his girlfriend and even more weird that these two sisters were down with the whole act.
Class was awkward after that.
Their poor father.
My wife for whatever reason likes to put the tip of her finger inside my foreskin and just leave it there while we watch TV.
Your marriage is failing.
Fucked a girl, it was one of those situations where she’d just ended her period and as such she bled all over my dick. That I didn’t really mind. Shit happens. But then she dismounted and sucked all her vag blood off my dick. I was mortified.
Was her name Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He asked me if he could wash my body and shampoo my hair. A little odd but nothing I was against. He then refused to let me dry myself, had me lie on the bed, and attempted a reverse birth. Put his head against me and pushed REALLY hard and for a significant amount of time.
It would have not been good for your vagina to have a head stuck up there.
She was in top riding me, got excited, said stop, turned on Drake, I think, and started singing, head bopping, and riding me. And not just soft singing, a full on jam session with hand movements and everything. I was so confused and terrified at what was happening and trying not to laugh, so I froze there, stopped, and zoned out. Finished, went to nope the fuck out. She offered to buy me Popeyes because she was hungry.
You can’t pass up free Popeye’s.
To read more messed up stories like these, click here.
For the fastest way to keep up with TFM, download our free smartphone app.