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Not long ago, one of our directors here at TFM sent me something on Facebook. I opened it up and for a moment, I thought I was reading the comments on my last column. It was a little saddening, seeing things like “Do you get tired of being a peace of shitt,” (sic). And “You probably like the lesbian,liar, nurderer. Your a communist newspaper then. You can go to hell!!!!” (sic). And “you all can go to hell along with all the other muslin communist sons of bitches.” (also, sic). To whoever wrote this, muslin is a textile. You’re welcome. Another one, “GET THE HELL OUT OF MY COUNTRY!!!! Why don’t you all charter a plane and fly over Syria.” Technically this last person used proper grammar but I feel like the insult just wasn’t there, “you take your money and go charter a plane and fly over an impoverished country, you fiend!”
I was perplexed and frankly, a little dismayed that my work was received with such vitriol. I imagine my writing isn’t that bad, and while I do concede to being of Mediterranean descent, I’m probably the furthest thing from Muslim. So I packed a lip and decided to do a little reflecting.
Eventually, I read the rest of the messages and nearly spit all over my laptop. Apparently these are Trump supporters ripping into the New York Daily over an article they recently ran containing various methods of fleeing the country, you know, in case you happen to be afraid of 4 years with Trump in the White House. In the article, the reader gets some friendly correspondence from a Canadian who recommends we move to Canada saying, “The Maple Leaf Welcome Mat comes with plenty of options for education and child care – and universal health care.” Oh, so you mean socialism? No wonder you are called the “Maple Leaf Welcome Mat,” people walk all over you.
But more interesting than the article itself is the myriad of responses to the article. Here are some of my personal favorites in the barrage of shit that was sent to the poor bastard, probably an intern, on the receiving end of these emails.
The last time I wrote an email with the subject line “You suck DICK,” I was obscenely drunk and my Thesis Advisor wasn’t very happy. Needless to say, that was a bold move that I try very hard not to repeat on a daily basis.
I should probably have mentioned earlier that Al Sharpton said he plans on leaving the States if Trump is elected. Probably because he will never see the inside of the White House again. Also, Samuel L. Jackson is quoted with saying “If that motherfucker becomes President, I’ll move my black ass to South Africa.” I have to say, I would be rather disappointed if Samuel L. Jackson left the states. South Africa isn’t such a wonderful choice either.
I won’t disagree, Hillary is a “See You Next Tuesday,” but that’s a harsh word, dude. Be a gentleman, remember, an intern or a woman has to read that email at some point. Sincerest condolences to the ladies perusing this column by the way.
This one is a little long winded, but do me a favor and read the last few lines. If those SAEs out in Oklahoma doing their chant thing didn’t use this in their defense, they’re stupid. If they did, I guess it doesn’t work that way.
I know that we here are not exactly a newspaper here but I wonder, where does TFM fall in that publication spectrum? I like to think that our unique voice, audacious personality and moderated alcoholism and drug abuse makes us a contender for top seed.
If there were anything to learn from this, I would say it is to be a gentleman, mind your manners, and check your spelling.
Image via YouTube