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The 5th year senior. He’s difficult to reason with and impossible to control. He brings a distinct arrogance and unpredictability to the chapter, and the house really wouldn’t be the same without it. Doesn’t sound so different from our boy Donald Trump, does it? From his attitude and antics to relationships with other candidates, here’s how one of the most talked about candidates for president bears a striking similarity to one of the most overlooked members of a fraternity.
He’s got all the perks of representing GOP but no real responsibility whatsoever. You know the type. He. Gives. Zero. Fucks. He skips out on events that no one else would even dream of missing. People who call him out on his shit are subsequently bombarded with insults like “pussy” and “lightweight.” When he does attend chapter meetings, he can be seen in the back making faces at everyone’s report, but never offering any comment of substance. And he simply can’t be bothered by the likes of Chris Christie, Rand Paul, and John Kasich breathing down his neck wishing he graduated on time.
Mike Huckabee, on the other hand, sucks up to Trump, hoping that all the pledges who look up to Old Donald will look up to him in the same way. Deep down though, Huck really really wishes Trump would just leave so he could dazzle Donny’s followers with how he’s just like Trump, but better.
When Jeb Bush was pledging, Trump wanted nothing more than to blackball his ass out of the process. People are still talking about his dad like he was the second coming of the founders, and even though his brother ruined some greek relations, he still managed to leave a sweet taste in the mouth of all the actives. Bush’s legacy status was an alumni relations wet dream. Poor Don got overruled by the president and Jeb passed through to initiation. Though, that hasn’t stopped Trump from abusing him like a pledge to this day.
When Trump mused “Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that?” he never imagined Carly Fiorina would actually get voted sweetheart. When he realized he’d need to tolerate her for a while longer, he backpedaled and assured everyone he was only questioning her character and thinks she has “a beautiful face.” However, he continues to bring up a motion every week at chapter meeting to exclude the sweetheart in the next composite.
Ted Cruz is kept away from parties like the plague or a national rep but keeps finding a way there. No one is really sure how he finds out about them. Little do they know, Trump is feeding him bits and pieces of info so Teddy can keep coming around. Even Trump looks decent when standing next to him, and Old Donald can use every ounce of appeal he can get.
Our old boy cockblocked Ben Carson one night by pointing out key flaws in the knife fight story Benny Boy’s poor slam had been subjected to for the last hour. But that isn’t half as bad as when he cockblocks Marco Rubio every weekend by approaching Marky Marc and his latest conquest and checking in whether he’s washed his sweaty sheets this month. Rubio hasn’t gotten laid since before he rushed.
Everyone assumed Trump would have ditched his presidential aspirations and be well on his way back to his life as a billionaire by now, but much like the 5th year senior, he loves where he is and doesn’t see himself leaving anytime soon..