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If I Don’t Go 3/5 On NFL Picks This Weekend, I’ll Suspend Myself From Making Picks

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mookie bets sports gambling

I’m colder than the fucking arctic. Back to back losing weeks, and back to back shitty punishments. This week’s punishment was fucking awful — I drank a gallon of milk in under 15 minutes. Peep the video below if you can stomach it.

Ew. I will never drink milk again. Ever. Even if Margot Robbie asked me to lick it off her bare body, I would deny her. Even if milk made me a decent gambler, I wouldn’t drink it. Even if drinking milk would magically let me trade lives with Dan Bilzerian, I still wouldn’t do it. Just typing the word milk makes me sick. You get the point.

So here we go again. Another slate of Mookie Bets, except this time I have a case of PTSD related to dairy products and the word milk. Ew.

Also, If I’m mush again, I’ll suspend myself from blogging about gambling picks Roger Goodell-style until later in the season. I enjoy making picks, so a lot is on the line this week.

All lines via Hit them up for all your gambling needs.

Packers vs. Cowboys – Over 52

Points, points, points. These are two teams that can light it up if they aren’t shooting themselves in the leg like Plaxico Burress, so hopefully they aren’t in the club this week. Send the over.

Seahawks vs. Rams – Seahawks PK

Honestly, I’m not sure what to think of this game, but I don’t consider home field advantage a factor for the Rams. More people show up in a costume at Chipotle on Halloween to get $2 Burritos than show up to Rams home games. Ride the Hawks.

49ers vs. Colts – Colts -1

This game is a toilet bowl and a half, so I’ll take home field advantage and Jacoby Brissett to plunge the toilet by a point. Brian Hoyer sucks — enough said.

Jets vs. Browns – Jets PK

I’ve been fading the Jets harder than you’ve been fading that stage-5 clinger that blows up your phone everyday and losing my ass, so maybe this week I’ll be on the right side of the spread? I guarantee the one week I bet on them they lose, but I’m sending it anyway. Let’s go Jets.

Chiefs vs. Texans – Over 45

This is going to be a great Sunday night game, and riding the over will make it significantly more fun. I want rookies Deshaun Watson and Kareem Hunt to put on a show under the lights so I’m being optimistic, but it’s not impossible for the over to hit. Send it and have a night.

I’ve been awful with my picks lately, but every blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while, right? I hope so, because these punishments are taking a toll on me physically and mentally.

As always, hit me up on Twitter @ConesDeal to call me mush, see my prior punishments, and keep up with my degenerate habits. I’d probably fade me, but who knows. Maybe it’s my week?

Image via Shutterstock

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Mookie Bets

Mush bettor, juul addict, and a millennial to blame.

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