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Drunk Kid Really Wants To See Him Some Live Nips, Passes Out Behind Wheel, Crashes Car Into Strip Club

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You’re drunk, high on pills, horny as fuck, and all alone. What’s a guy to do? Go home and beat off? Nah, son. You wanna see some real live girls blast some real live nips — and you’re willing to risk it all to make it happen. You get in your car and go to the strip club.

But as you roll up to the titter, the Xannies you took earlier hit you like a wall. So does an actual wall. You wake up to the flashing of red and blue lights and peel your forehead off the steering wheel.

This is what happened to 22-year-old Jarrett Silvey, who was discovered by police passed out behind the wheel, his car in drive, crashed into the side of the Gentleman’s Club in Fayetteville, Arkansas.

From 4029 TV:

A man was arrested on suspicion of DWI after officers say they found him unconscious behind the wheel of his car, which struck a strip club.

According to a police report, 22-year-old Jarett Silvey was arrested early Wednesday morning.

A Fayetteville police officer says he arrived at the Gentleman’s Club on College Avenue to find the driver, Silvey, unconscious behind the wheel. The car was in drive and had struck the side of the building. After reviving Silvey, the officer attempted to administer a sobriety test, and Silvey “performed the test in a manner consistent with an intoxicated person.”

The officer says he found empty prescription bottles and what appeared to be Alprazolam tablets – some crushed – in the car.

At the jail, the report says Silvey blew a .13 on a breathalyzer test. The legal limit to drive is .08. Silvey is charged with DWI and possession of a controlled substance. His bond is set at $1,425.

Dammit, Jarrett. You were so close. All you had to do was put that baby in park and walk a few more feet to the entrance. From there it would’ve been a free breakfast buffet and all the boobage your eyes can handle — maybe even a side of vag if you tipped well enough.

But hey, these things happen. The car was driven by the man, but the man was driven by the penis. Sometimes daddy just really needs some titties up in his face. He’s gotta have it. Hopefully, as Silvey slumbered in the driver’s seat, his dreams were filled with heaving breasteses thwapping him in the face.

[via 4029 TV]

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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