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Dude Passes Out After Snorting Coke, Says It’s Because “Cape Cod Coke Sucks”

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I love the reaction of someone who’s caught red-handed and they know it, be it stealing cookies out of a cookie jar by Mom, or passed out in the front seat of your car with five lines of coke cut up and ready to enter your nasal cavity as the cops find you. I’m talking the kind of open-and-closed case that even muttering a single word in defense is a waste of time.

Look at a dog’s reaction. When I catch my dog in the act of doing something he knows he’s not supposed to do — sleeping on the couch or stealing food, for example — he immediately drops his head, tucks his tail, and gives me the “Please be easy on me” face. It’s hilarious. The human equivalent to being caught red-handed often goes something like this: “Welp, fuck.”

When Falmouth Police woke Alexander “A.J.” Mulvey, 31, who had passed out in the front seat of his car, and subsequently asked him what the white, powdery substance next to him was, he responded similarly, only with more of a “fuck it” attitude.

“What the (expletive) do you think it is?” the report quotes Mulvey as saying. “It’s coke. You got me. Not like I can hide it. I don’t have any still on my nose, right?”

He didn’t try to cover up shit. He just owned it. It sounds like this response was largely due to anger. Not anger from getting busted by the police with a gram of cocaine, but anger from being let down by sub-standard cocaine.

As officers were putting Mulvey into his cell, he said, “(Expletive) Cape Cod coke. It’s the first time I’ve ever passed out after sniffing coke. Cape Cod coke sucks.”

Cape Cod. NF.

[via MetroWest Daily News]


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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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