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FAIL FRIDAY: Don’t Call On Me

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Fail Friday by visiting the archive.

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Ten real submissions, five photos, and one video that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

Inviting a girl to take shots in your room, and then turning on Justin Timberlake “SexyBack” and singing it to her because you don’t have any liquor. TFM.

And then having her file a restraining order against you.

I may be a male cheerleader, but so was W. and now he’s a silver fox slaying bitches left-and-right. TFM.

You’re supposed to be at the bottom of a human pyramid. Get off this website.

Gauging how hard I raged the night before by seeing how much blood I shit the next morning. TFM.
–Oklahoma does not condone the use of “The Poop Blood Raging Scale.”

Shaking hands with your slam’s father and telling him “Your daughter makes the best post-slam sandwiches.” He didn’t even get it. TFM.

Be careful. He was only pretending not to get it so that he can bide his time and smother you in your sleep.

Having a higher chance of banging Taylor Chatley because we have the same tattoo in the same spot. TFM.

Carpe diem, bitches.

Calling out the Applebee’s bartender at noon on a Monday because your margarita doesn’t have nearly enough fucking goddamn tequila shit! TFM.

Maybe if you’d said noon on a Monday at the country club, but not Applebee’s. You’re a degenerate hill person.

I have to attend AA meetings as part of my DWI probation. Everyone in class says, “My name is ____ and I’m an alcoholic” before addressing the group. I stand up and say, “My name is Steve and I’m a mother fucking fratstar. BOOYAH!” TFM.

I’d like to think Steve strolls into Alcoholics Anonymous with a sixer of tallboys for a casual meeting booze session.

Every Wednesday my girlfriend and I blackout on Boone’s Farm. She cuffs me to the bed and intermittingly gives me head and screams obscenities at my penis. Then she beats me with a whiffle bat. No pain no gain. TFM.

Kinky story bro.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. TFM.

I deleted the account that submitted this.

When you wake up in the AM with morning wood, so you look over to make sure your roommate isn’t awake and gently hump your mattress until you fratsplooge. TFM.


Apparently this is the result of a one-man keg stand.

You people have no self-respect.

How stoned is the guy on the left?

Multitasking at its finest.

Sweet, sweet butt pee.

Call on Me:

Here’s the original with hot women to undo some of the damage:

Have fun this weekend, stay safe, and air hump everyone.

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TFM Intern

Never getting promoted.

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