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This morning a buddy of mine that goes to school in Dallas reminded me that he is crashing on my couch for Euphoria Music Festival which is coming up April 7. Over the years I’ve gotten used to these calls from him, because he has always been that dude who is really into music, and I go to school in Austin where there are several major annual music festivals.
Before I knew what I was missing his phone call would’ve caused me to call him a dirty hippie, then begrudgingly let his stoned ass sleep on my couch all weekend. But that was before I learned the art of festival fratting. After several experiences with festivals like Coachella, ACL and SXSW I have an appreciation for how these venues can serve as perfect locations to rage against the machine, even though I will be an intricate part of the machine after graduation.
At an event like Euphoria Music Festival, regardless of whether or not your favorite band or DJ is performing, there is a plethora of booze and girls who are down to party and take things to a slightly weirder level than you’re used to. They will be dressed in some awesomely revealing manner, possibly tutus paired with extremely small tops (maybe just their bras). Some of them will take their clothes off when they discover the body-painting tent. No, I’m not kidding and I don’t know why they do all this, but it’s part of the culture and it’s awesome. They’ll also be lured and enticed by the fact that you have taken a shower in the past month and aren’t dressed like a hobo. God bless festival rave chicks.
There are multiple stages, so if things get weird and DJ Penishead’s costume is freaking you out, you can roam to another stage and drink away the memory of his veiny helmet (DJ Penishead does not exist, so don’t worry about it). As far as acts, some people pick who they want to see based on the festival’s lineup ahead of time, and some people just show up and park at one stage to get shit-hammered and enjoy whatever musical madness happens to appear before them. To each his own.
Speaking of shit-hammered, any decent festival has multiple bars positioned strategically so that regardless of what stage you’re currently enjoying you can easily grab another booze drink. Really the only thing you have to worry about is weirdo hipster douches, but you can just ignore them like you do 90% of the bar on any given night.
Now that I know festivals can be friendly turf for raging, I look forward to my buddy’s phone calls, and am definitely pumped about Euphoria Music Festival (coincidentally one of the founders is an alumni of a fraternity in Texas). For good measure, here’s my favorite mashup from The White Panda, who is on the lineup for this event.