======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
If you’re one of the many people who prefers to intentionally ignore the fact that Florida is a state that exists, this one’s not for you.
Three Florida Gulf Coast University students were given warnings over the weekend after they found a dead alligator, took it to a university dorm room, snapped pictures of it and posted a photo on social media.
The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission sent an officer to FGCU after getting a call from school police about the alligator.
“They just found it on the side of the road and thought it would be fun to take some photos with it,” said Brian Norris, an FWC spokesman.
FWC took possession of the carcass.
“It was actually a road kill alligator that they found and that was confirmed by the officer examining the carcass,” Norris said. “It was very clear evidence of it being road kill.”
FWC gave the three students warnings for possession of an alligator without proper permits.
“They admitted that they found it,” Norris said. “The officer confirmed … their story based on the markings and injuries to the alligator.”
This story is peak Florida. The only way it could get more Florida is if the FGCU students fed the dead gator bath salts and it reincarnated, eating the face off every vagabond in its path before heading to a terrible stadium and cheering for a sports team that nobody cares about.
As a Floridian myself, I feel compelled to stress the fact that this gator was road kill. And I’m not restating this so you don’t vilify the students; I’m saying it so you understand that hitting an alligator with your car is something that Floridians do. Every housewife in suburban Chicago stops their car and makes their 2.5 kids hold an animal funeral when they hit a squirrel; Floridians mow down gators and all they do afterwards is high five and wait for some college kids to come along and haul it off to their dorm for some sort of ritualistic photography session. That’s why Florida is both the best and worst state in the union..
Image via Shutterstock