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Floridians Banded Together To Fight Irma With Guns Like True Patriots

hurricane gun florida

There’s no place quite like the state of Florida. The cities of Orlando and Miami are covered in a bubble of normalcy, and the rest of the state is a real life The Dukes of Hazzard re-run. The hillbilly, redneck, trailer park Florida populace never ceases to amaze me, and this past weekend was no different.

Hurricane Irma is currently pummeling the Southeast. Really scary, dangerous stuff. Many people evacuated to shelters, but some took matters into their own hands. One dude in Florida created a Facebook event calling for people to take guns and literally shoot at the hurricane.

From Miami Herald:

Around 80,000 people have expressed interest in a Facebook group titled “Shoot at Hurricane Irma,” as of 8 a.m. Sunday.

The actual Facebook event post went on to describe the event as such:

“YO SO THIS GOOFY LOOKING WINDY HEAD— NAMED IRMA SAID THEY PULLING UP ON US,” the Facebook event’s description reads. “LETS SHOW IRMA THAT WE SHOOT FIRST ”

Just when you forget that Florida was once part of the Confederacy, it’s shit like this that reminds you it was. Congrats on that A+ grammar in the event description. Look, I know I don’t write like an English professor, but it is painfully obvious that the author of that sentence never got “hooked on phonics” as a child. The craziest part of this all is that I can imagine someone from Florida doing this in what would be a real-life version of a Sharknado sequel mixed with a Michael Bay movie. They’d be wearing the official uniform of the state of Florida while shooting as well: a stained white tank top, jorts, and adidas sandals (bandana optional).

At the same time, this dude might have been onto something. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. They always say don’t bring a knife to a gun fight, but they never said anything about bringing a gun to a hurricane fight. I’m no “climate scientist” — heck, I don’t even know what climate science is. But maybe — just maybe — if we started fighting back and showing these storms who’s boss, they wouldn’t happen as much. I lived through Sandy, and there were zero people trying to shoot at her. Maybe if someone thought of this and had tried it, we could have saved Seaside Heights.

If this Florida man was any more of a national treasure, Nicolas Cage would be trying to steal him. He planned to fight back at a natural disaster in a way that would have made our founding fathers proud. If Irma happened in 1789, George Washington would have taken out his wooden teeth, dusted off his musket, and rode to battle the eye of the storm like it was a filthy Redcoat. After all, that’s what the second amendment was ratified for. And why stop with hurricanes? Maybe we should try this for all natural disasters. Tornado? Shoot at it. Earthquake? Shoot at the Earth’s tectonic plates. Wildfire? Well, you can’t really shoot at a wildfire; since it’s a fire, you have to fight fire with fire instead.

Of course, with everything fun, there had to be some buzzkills ruining the party.

“To clarify, DO NOT shoot weapons @ #Irma,” the Pasco Sheriff’s office tweeted late Saturday. “You won’t make it turn around & it will have very dangerous side effects.”

C’mon, Florida police! Don’t you have an illegal alligator farm or some Everglades drug ring to shut down? There probably were a few police officers who said, “This is a bad idea. We need to stop this,” but I’m sure at least 70% were totally onboard with the idea. Hell, some probably went out back behind the station and tried it out themselves when no one was looking.

All I’m saying is with the amount of hurricanes we’ve been having this year, it might be worth a try.

[via Miami Herald]

Base image via Shutterstock

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ItalianStallion

Previously known for being the 4th best improv comedian in the state of New Jersey, he enjoyed a brief career in politics by serving on his fraternity's eboard until a scandal not as bad as the Lewinsky scandal, but more memorable than Whitewater lead to his resignation. Now, he spends his time making God awful jokes in chapter meetings, rooting for a shitty New Jersey hockey team, and serving on the congressional committee set to determine whether Oprah Winfrey should be classified as a cult or a religion.

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