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Frat Essentials: Self Maintenance

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I just crawled out of my cave for the first time since getting back from New Orleans, and I feel like absolute dog shit. My head is pounding, I can’t breathe through my nose, and for some reason it feels like my heart is being gripped harder than I was holding onto those hand grenades Saturday night. Needless to say, I had a fucking great time in the Big Easy. I know our respective universities vilify us for this, but those of us fortunate enough to enjoy the lifestyle of the Greek community realize the importance of a little recreational self-destruction from time to time. Bourbon Street was a two day blur fueled with sugar-coated grain alcohol, miscellaneous stimulants, too many cigarettes, and a log of my favorite long cut. Sure, Nancy Reagan wouldn’t approve, but everyone needs to blow off some steam when they are in college and we are certainly young enough to handle the toxic load of what might put down a small elephant.

That being said, it is important to note that my weekend long benders are not the high points of my life. I like to rage my face off as much as the next guy, but I also know you can’t call something a party if it happens every night. Moderation is key when it comes to getting the most out of your partying, and I know this is something we all forget every now and then. We’ve all been through that week where we are so loaded up with social events that partying seems more like work than fun. When you start to see this shift from fun to exhaustion, take a breather and put in some time to take care of yourself. It may seem “NF” to let your foot off the gas, but I assure you will thank yourself for it later. Glory may live forever, but there is nothing glorious about someone who dies in their prime before they accomplish anything.

Let’s not forget why we are in school in the first place; to learn. I may skip some studying to party, but if you are partying so often that you don’t even know what classes you are in, lord help you. It’s a damn shame that some people are so weak that alcohol is enough to get in the way of them staying on top of their shit. As many opportunities and connections as we have, they don’t mean a thing if you can’t stay sober long enough to make decent grades. Do you think that brokerage or law firm is going to laugh off the days you come into work smelling like whiskey, hell-bent to leave your head on the desk to catch a nap and get back to bed? No fucking way. Don’t let your downtime get in the way of the shit you are supposed to be doing. It makes the rest of us look bad.

Also, all that beer and whiskey adds up if you don’t take the time to exercise. I don’t know about you, but last time I checked no girl really likes fucking the fat kid. Being a drunk, fat slob isn’t some kind of illness, and people know this. You have to work really hard at letting yourself go, and it starts with trying to find something at the bottom of a bottle and a bag of chips. I’m not trying to say that you need to be some cut-up juice head, those kids are fucking assholes, I’m just saying keep an eye on yourself.

Not trying to rain on anyone’s parade here, but it’s important to stay on top of your personal health amidst all the raging we do in college. You have to keep your grades up, your weight down, and your partying in check if you want to make something of your letters one day. Even though he may have been a huge douche, Dean Wormer said it best. “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” Keep that in mind next time you think you’d rather drink for a whole week than go to class.

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Grandex Marketing Manager, Snack Enthusiast, Lover, Gator. Co-Host of the Inside TFM Podcast.

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