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Fraternity Alum Writes List Of 10 Reasons Why Freshman Shouldn’t Join A Fraternity, They’re Terrible

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Benefits of Greek Life

Attacking our choice in clothing is one thing, liberal media, but when you attack our way of life, you better have some damn good points to back your attack up. ATO alum Ian Servantes does not make good points.

Servantes’ “10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Join a Fraternity, From a Fraternity Alum” is actually an old piece. You wouldn’t know that from looking at its timestamp, though, because Complex, for some reason, decided to republish it instead of just pushing the old link. A move with questionable motives on their part, but I guess there is only so much shit you can talk about fraternities before you run out of things to say and you need to repeat yourself without appearing like you’re repeating yourself.

From Complex:

With colleges across the country back in session now, millions of freshman are figuring out how to navigate a new world. If you’re one of them, you’re likely wondering what you should major in, how long it’ll be until your roommate’s every word and move drives you nuts, and how not to be pummeled by classes that are more challenging than you ever thought possible. If you’re a guy, you might be wondering if you should join a fraternity.

The answer is no. And I say that as a recently graduated fraternity alum.

And as a jabroni.

It was easy to focus on the positive things when I was only around for the parties, brotherhood retreats, and community service events, but those were superficial. Day-to-day, away from the public, you realize the unchecked privilege enjoyed by a marginally diverse group of males (there are nine non-white faces out of 120 on our most recent composite) fortunate enough to go to college and join a fraternity. Behind closed doors, which can only be opened with a code given to brothers, is a safe space to shamelessly engage in intolerant behavior.

The mystery Servantes tries to create around the concept of the fraternity house by saying it can “only be opened with a code given to brothers” is a perfect example of this guy trying to make fraternities out to be modern day haunted houses, but way less fun because they’re devoid of Eddie Murphy.

“Wanna know what happens behind the closed doors of the holed-up, fortified Bastille that is a fraternity house? Well, too bad – it can only be accessed by the brothers, who must enter 2 at a time. Why? Because each brother has the 147-character house code tattooed on the inside of his bottom lip, and he cannot himself read it. Why don’t they just use mirrors, you say? One word: vampires.”

Or, y’know, we just want to keep drunken hobos from coming inside and taking liquidy dumps on our throw rug.

No one faces repercussions for dropping the n-word or calling women sluts. Sure, someone might speak up about it, like I’ve tried to, but they’ll be written off as a “liberal pussy.” Living in this oppressive environment made me regret ever becoming a part of it and sent me into the worst bout of depression of my life. I only came out of it with the help of a school therapist who happened to be a fraternity alum who also cares deeply about social issues, Zoloft, and the release date of graduation just weeks away.

Mental health is no laughing matter, and I lament that Ian had to go through this tough time in his life. Many of us have been depressed at certain points, and it sucks. For many people, however, the camaraderie, enjoyment, and fulfillment that a fraternity brings are exactly what brought them out of their depression. You telling freshman that they shouldn’t join a fraternity because they might get depressed is like a person who is allergic to cats telling people who are thinking about buying a cat not to buy a cat because there is a chance they might be allergic to cats. You’re not doing this for their betterment, though. You don’t want them to buy the cat because if they do, there are more cats out in the world that’ll make you sneeze. Sorry I said cat so many times; I just love pussy (ba dum tss).

I think it’s also important to make note that fraternities aren’t for everyone. Just as rush week functions as a time for fraternities to decide if they like you, it functions equally as a time for you to decide if you like a fraternity. If you decide to pledge, you have another eight or so weeks to decide if you want to leave or not. If you are initiated, you have another three and a half years to decide if you want to leave or not. The brotherhood that you join, if you make it that far, is for life, but only if you want it to be. That’s your prerogative. No fraternity wants a member who doesn’t want the fraternity. This is no deal with the devil – you can leave whenever you want. And if you want to leave, do it – everyone will be better off.

Here are Servantes’ 10 reasons why you shouldn’t join a fraternity.

You’ll probably be hazed.

Damn, what a great, definitive list we have here. Don’t join a fraternity because you’ll “probably” be hazed? Using that logic you shouldn’t apply to Harvard because you’ll probably get denied. You gotta pay to play, Ian.

It highly encourages alcoholism.

All the cool freshman who read this are thinking “Where do I sign up?”

It’s a hotbed of racism… and misogyny… and homophobia.

Turning one point into three. Nice one.

This is such low-hanging fruit. It’s so easy for you to point out isolated incidents involving these topics because of the widespread media coverage they receive. Racism, misogyny, and homophobia happen far more often elsewhere on college campuses than in fraternities, but since the skeeze who promulgate them aren’t members of fraternities (and the ones who are members of fraternities shouldn’t be), nobody bats an eyelash. It’s played off by the university as their “diverse group of thinkers.”

You’ll be forced to conform.

He hit the nail on the head with this one. Fraternity actually comes from the german word “führerprinzip,” which we all know was the basis for political hierarchy in Hitler’s Third Reich. Conformity is in our blood.

Living in the house is a nightmare (if you’re not an alcoholic man-child).

You are literally the only person ever who did not enjoy living in their fraternity house. Even if you aren’t an alcoholic man-child, the best part is watching the alcoholic man-children do ridiculous shit like playing Donkey Kong on the front staircase, with one brother at the top tossing down tapped kegs and another at the bottom attempting to make his way to the top and whack the other brother over the head with a sledgehammer to win the prize of getting to be Player 1 in Super Smash Bros. That’s what being in a fraternity is all about.

You can find brotherhood elsewhere.

Can you really, though? I mean, maybe if you have an actual brother, but otherwise half of the GDIs in college are pretty colossal dorks, while the other half is too busy fruitlessly chasing poon to focus on forming any meaningful relationships.

If anything goes down, Nationals will throw you under the bus.

We know. It sucks. Not really anything we can do about that, though, except not get caught. And why are we getting caught? Because pusstards like this guy report on our every move, leaving our headquarters with no other option than to cut ties or face PR nightmares. They only throw us under the bus because you make them, Ian.

A lot of these problems are seen as points of pride.

Can’t argue with that one. We are proud of all aspects of our umbrella of work, because in the end, we made college the best four years of our lives, while you wasted your years being a member of, and representing, an organization that you didn’t want to be in, and in which you had no barrier to exit. That’s on you.

[via Complex]

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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