Meet future fratter Mike Stone of Minnesota. Mike’s a senior in high school with a sophisticated, distinguished taste for the finer things in life. I know what you’re thinking, “What’s with this odd looking kid in front of the #88 car with the goofy attire and the Lloyd Christmas haircut? Did Dorn post the wrong picture to his column?” I’m telling you it’s a cover up. His appearance is just a facade to ward off his countless lady friends. He was already big man on campus, but now he’s the toast of the town. This guy is a year away from the fraternal Hall of Fame. Let me set the scene.
Leading up to his senior prom, young Mike was being wooed by damn near every available pre-sorostie in school, and even some of the unavailable ones. You see though, Mike was tired of dipping into the inexperienced strange from his high school. He was ready to take his talents to the big leagues. “Bring on the seasoned trim,” young Mike was thinking. He didn’t just want a head turning prom date, but a headline-making one. Mike, as many youngsters are these days, is fluent in social media. He turned to Twitter to recruit the best of the best in the art of coitus, pornography stars. He’s a determined little shit, too.
Check out his journey. You’ll notice from the plethora of “_____XXX” twitter handles that he means business:
There’s clearly no shame in his game. Mike sent over 600 tweets to these talented young women. He set his line early, worked it, got a nibble, worked it some more, got a bite, and finally landed his prize. The lucky lady? The lovely Megan Piper. Piper.
Can you imagine the hallway chatter at Mike’s school after he secured his X-rated prom date?
“You guys hear Mike’s taking The Piper to prom?”
“Oh shit, The Piper?! Dude, that chick can take a dumptruck of dick.”
“Yeah, that lucky son of a bitch. I’ll be happy to get an off-handed tug from Rebecca.”
“I hear ya. If I get lucky enough, and convince Lisa to drink enough, I might get a three minute feel-up.”
“Mike probably has the green light for all kinds of weird shit.”
“Yeah, she’s gonna suck him sideways, maybe even clean off.”
Porn star Megan Piper isn’t giving in easily, though. She agreed to make the trip on one condition, that Mike pays her way, including airfare. If I know Mike like I think I do, he’ll be reluctant to sign off on this agreement. I foresee a heated negotiation taking place, with Mike winning out.
There has been an unfortunate turn of events. It looks like Mike’s cock-blocking school district Superintendent caught wind of Mike’s heroic journey and banned Ms. Piper from the school dance.
”The policy states that any individual or group can be denied entry to those events if the visit is “not in the best interest” of the district, district spokeswoman Jennifer McNeil told FoxNews.com.”
Not in the best interest of the district? What about Mike? It’s definitely in his best interest. Besides, she looks like a nice young lady. Well Mike, it was a hell of an effort my friend. Now it looks like some lucky Minnesota high school senior co-ed will feel Mike’s fury.
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