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Fuck PETA; Eat Meat

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There are very few things in life that make me as happy as taking down a rare ribeye, scrambling some eggs with fresh pork sausage, or simply fishing to assert my dominance over the animals that decided not to grow legs and see what was up with the whole “land” thing. I love the taste of dead animals. They are easily my favorite food group, and I have no problem saying that with a straight face. Sure, some people would rather not think about that cow prancing around in a field of fresh grass while they order up a hamburger, but they really shouldn’t mind at all. It shows that we have claimed our place at the top of the food chain and the reward is delicious inferior animals. However, there are extremists out there who think that we have an obligation as a “highly evolved” species to grow past our consumption of all goods which come from animals so that we can live harmoniously with nature. This group of people is called PETA, and they can go fuck themselves.

PETA, or People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, is basically the biggest killjoy on the planet. They are the kind of liberal trash that equates eating scrambled eggs with chicken to killing a woman and eating her with a side of her aborted baby. This is the kind of crazy we are dealing with here, folks. They don’t think we should hunt, because you know, wild animals like bears and lions would NEVER take advantage of a human being given an opportunity to in nature. They are also all about setting your pets back into the wild as “nature” intended. Apparently a dog that only knows to get its food from a bowl that is magically refilled twice a day would be completely cool with being abandoned in the woods. Who knew? I guess that’s way more ethical than ensuring your pet won’t be mauled by wolves in the night.

Aside from the hippie-circle sensationalist rhetoric they try to use in order to get their way, there actually is a pretty menacing amount of literal crazy lurking around behind the curtains at PETA. Let’s start with the founder, Ingrid Newkirk. Good old Ingrid killed dozens of sheltered animals a day to prevent them from being adopted into abusive environments in the ’70s. I’m sure she would also rather drown her infant children than have them grow up in such a backward world where people eat meat, but she probably won’t because she decided to sterilize herself when she was 22 because she opposes giving birth. Normally I’d have some witty quip or metaphor to give you a gauge of how crazy all of this is…but I can’t. I can’t comprehend that amount of batshit insanity. It’s like….she’s almost as bad as…nope, still can’t do it.

Apparently, Ingrid took her Angel of Death brand of ethics and applied it to the entire organization, because as recently as 2009, PETA killed 2,301 animals that they sheltered over a one year span. Oh, I know, not all the animals in shelters get adopted and I’m playing this up way too much. But this 2,000+ wasn’t out of 100,000, 50,000, or even 10,000 sheltered animals…it was out of 2,366. That’s 97% and I think that is a little more efficient than your average hunter when it comes to killing animals. On top of their unique way of defining ethical treatment that include mainly death, PETA has donated thousands of dollars to convicted arsonists and bombers, and spent millions of dollars on rejected Super Bowl ads. Less than 1% of their annual 33 million dollar budget actually goes to helping animals. But I’m sure all the euthanized cats and dogs really appreciate that unaired graphic commercial that was supposed to save their lives instead of the prolonged care 33 FUCKING MILL could have provided.

The thing that really makes me irate about these kind of liberal bleeding-heart groups which claim that we need to stop living above animals is that they use evolution and animal rights in the same breath. What part of survival of the fittest, the backbone of the way animals have evolved and adapted, entails sacrificing yourself for another species that wouldn’t give a shit about ending your life? Hell, if we weren’t supposed to eat meat, why would we have canine teeth which exist in every carnivorous animal? The whole ultra-vegan mindset that it is our duty to “evolve” past our demonic meat-eating ways and give up hunting for food and sport goes against our own nature. To cast aside millions of years of becoming the best fucking animal on the planet pretty much would be a slight against everything natural and “evolutionary.” So pick up your guns, kill some animals, and laugh in the face of every malnourished activist as they try to chastise you for your lack of a soul. This is America, where our philosophy on our diet matches our philosophy on the economy; eat or be fucking eaten.

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Grandex Marketing Manager, Snack Enthusiast, Lover, Gator. Co-Host of the Inside TFM Podcast.

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