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GDI Writes Rare, Reasoned Story About Greek Life As Pigs Fly, Dogs And Cats Make Passionate Love To Each Other

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I don’t care what happened in Lake Placid in 1980; I don’t believe in miracles. When a statue of the Virgin Mary bleeds tears, I’m all like, “What’s so amazing about some sculpture having a mega emotional face period?” That time the brakes on my car went out and, just as I was about to fly over a cliff to my death, the car slammed to a halt at the edge of the ravine? Clearly I accessed the 90% of my brain that I don’t use and telekinetically stopped the vehicle, OR, a girl who is desperately in love with me, and wants it hard, is a witch and she stopped the car with black magic. Either way, that’s not a miracle. That’s science.*

*Wanting it hard is biology, duh.

However, maybe, sometimes, on rare occasions, there are miracles. After all, I lost my virginity without paying for it (unless paying in pride lost counts). So when a Michigan State GDI wrote a decently well reasoned (albeit terribly titled) article about Greek Life, my faith in miracles increased, just a little.

Goodbye Greeks?

Note that this title has literally almost nothing to do with the rest of this story. It’s pure click bait. It’d be like if I titled this story “Michigan State Editorials: Does Soda Give Ponies AIDS?” Don’t act like you wouldn’t want to find out if Sprite was giving ponies AIDS or not. Consider that title clicked.

Hey man, you wanna rush?” A guy with a backwards Polo hat asked me as I walked toward Grand River Ave.

“No,” I responded quickly. I had no plans of joining a frat, and if I did, then it would have to be the best one at State. I could see from the house’s deterioration that this was certainly not the best frat.

“Bitch!” He exclaimed, and hawked a spitball in my direction as I walked away.


This might’ve made someone without three older brothers mad, but I kept walking. I figured they hadn’t gotten many pledges yet, and were starting to get stressed over rent. I understood his frustration, so I wasn’t offended.

That’s actually downright saintly. I was in a fraternity and if I experienced that, I’d be like, “FUCK THAT HOUSE FOREVER BURN IN HELL I HOPE YOUR FAMILY DIES SUCK MY COCK.”

But, his actions made me more intrigued than ever as to why Greek life was such a valued part of our University. There are over 55 Greek letter organizations at Michigan State, all with the mission to, “promote self governance, leadership development, academic achievement, community service, and friendship.” Through more experiences with frats and sororities I’ve come to realize that most houses do strive to promote those qualities, and the ones that accept scumbag behavior become irrelevant.

My standards for the opinions about Greeks expressed in any form of media have become so low that the fact that the author didn’t immediately insinuate we were all insatiable, prowling rapists suffering from self-induced alcohol retardation is enough for me to consider this piece positive. That the author seems legitimately open-minded towards Greek Life is simply an added bonus.

It appears to me that our culture’s media has conveyed a skewed idea of who Greek Life members are, creating massive misconceptions about the lettered houses that fill this campus.

See the “insatiable, prowling rapists suffering from self induced alcohol retardation” comment above, then add racist homophobic classist puppy murderers on top of that.

It is easy to think that it’s just a bunch of “sluts” and rich “bro’s”, paying for friends and parties, or whatever your unique image of them is. I am holding my judgments, because I have realized, like most things I judge, that I have had minimal personal experience with Greek life, and require further knowledge in order to make a fair assessment.

You’re the smartest GDI alive.

Our University cannot progress if its student body is split in half between Greeks and Non Greeks, or “goddamn independents,” as some Greeks call us. We are all still Spartans. Just because one frat guy called me a bitch and spit in my direction doesn’t mean every frat guy is as disrespectful. I’ve been to parties where I was turned away because we didn’t have enough girls with us, but that’s just how it goes. You can’t hate the entire Greek system because one house doesn’t let you in for one party. In East Lansing, it’s not too hard to go find another attractive girl or another loud party.

Who are you and what have you done with the angry drum circle shouting anti-Greek slam poetry that I’m used to?

I am not trying to defend every frat guy and sorority girl on campus, because I know some are egotistical, superficial, and mean. And I know some of us have had truly horrendous experiences with certain members of Greek Life. A former pledge of [Name Redacted] told me that he quit during hell week because his “morals had been compromised.”

Morals have been compromised? Get in line, pussy. Or do you think I wanted to strangle that chocolate lab puppy to get initiated?

But, that is no reason for us to negatively generalize a significant part of our Spartan population. Not every fraternity hazes the same way, and most houses are working to represent the Spartan name with pride. I spoke to a recently initiated Sigma Chi fraternity member who said, “These guys make me want to be more successful and become better, and it’s cool because they actually care about what’s going on with us. I didn’t feel that in high school.” I had a similar conversation with a new member of the Chi Omega sorority who told me, “We’re not all just sluts who love to party. My sorority motivates me so much, because the girls above me are amazing people.” I believe Greek Life helps too many students for me to hold judgments about any of my fellow Spartans who choose to participate.

I’m doing this weird thing with my head right now. Usually when I break down columns I smash it against the nearest wall out of frustration. I’m making the same motion, but more restrained, and out of satisfaction instead of rage. Is this what they call “nodding”?

Greek Life is rooted in long tradition and isn’t going anywhere for a long time. When I first came to Michigan State I thought frat brothers were mostly meat- heads with increased levels of testosterone and chronic alcoholism. But, I quickly realized that my preconceived notions meant nothing.

I will pay for you to tour the country and speak.

There’s just as much superficial bullshit and debauchery that happens outside of Greek Life, because this is college.

Seriously, I’m staring a Kickstarter.

We are all trying to grasp onto as much as possible to strengthen our identities, but there’s no one to guide us except our friendships, and the people we look up to. I am convinced Greek Life can provide students with those things and help our University progress. As long as college remains a time to mature and grow, there will always be a place for the Greek System within their ivy covered walls.

*Stands and applauds*

Maybe my standards have been irreparably lowered by an endless onslaught of terrible articles about Greeks, in college newspapers and major media outlets alike, but goddammit this was fantastically reasonable. Good for you, bud. I assume the Michigan State Greek community welcomed this article and celebrated it.

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That was probably the same guy who called the author a bitch. He’s just an angry guy.

And seriously, MSU Review editors, what in the fuck does that title have to do with this article?

[via MSU Review]

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