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Get Laid Now, Because Science Says Women Are Only Getting Fatter

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Fat girls might give some of the best blowjobs because they have more to prove, but at the end of the night, when the bar is closing and the lights are turning on, you don’t want to be left with a double-wide that might snap a barstool in half at any moment. Unfortunately, America has been becoming increasingly riddled with people whose cankles are as big as your waistline, making it harder to find someone who can make you hard. A new study shows a terrifying trend that women are getting fatter faster than men.

From TIME:

The study, published Tuesday in the journal JAMA, reveals that for the years 2013-2014, the obesity prevalence was 35% for men and 40% for women. When looking at trends over time, the researchers found that from the year 2005 to 2014 there were significant and steady increases in the number of American women who were very obese.

Get yourself laid now, as much as you possibly can, by as many hot women as you possibly can. Enjoy the slim, fit, and attractive bodies while they last. Our weight problem as a nation is over 30 years old and has cost us an unfathomable amount of money, and if we haven’t been able to fix it by now, who knows if we’ll ever make progress.

Now logically, of course, you should already be taking advantage of hot college girls while you’re in college. But think about what your life will be like 20 or 30 years from now. When your first wife is 40, she’s going to be fatter than 40-year-olds are now. Even your second wife, at 25, will be fatter than the 25-year-olds of today. You need to diversify your palette and experience hot bodies of all ages before your definition of attractive is a woman who doesn’t need a motorized scooter to get through her grocery shopping.

[via TIME]

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Not So Sweetheart

The most rational, reasonable, and riotous girl you'll ever meet.

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