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Get You A Billionaire Friend

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I think there’s a saying about boat ownership that works as a nice parallel to the theme of what I’m trying to get at here. It goes something like this: Don’t get a boat; get a friend who owns a boat. The friend of a guy who owns a boat gets all the perks of owning a boat without having to actually own a boat.

You don’t have to pay for the boat, the 2x priced gas on the lake, the boat slip, the constant upkeep, and you don’t have to haul it around and find a place to keep it during the cold months. You just show up with a 12-pack and live it the fuck up when your buddy decides to take it out. All the perks, none of the hassle or cost.

Get you a billionaire friend. Like being boys with a boat owner, having a billionaire in your squad will open up a world of fun opportunities that normal people won’t have access to, at no cost to you. Impromptu PJ to southern France to get fucked up on French wine for a few days? No reason not to. Beachside villa in Oahu for a week? Yes, go. Court side seats when LeBron comes to town? You’re there.

Obama has a billionaire friend. Richard Branson, worth over $5 billion, owns his own fucking island in the Caribbean.

Look at Barry’s face. Pure joy. Not a worry in the world. That’s the look of a man who has friends in high places. He left 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and had Branson on the line before he was out of the neighborhood, just ready to unwind with his toes in the sand.

Now he’s kite surfing off Necker Island, double fisting Rum Runners, and having morning sex with the sound of waves massaging the white sandy beach 50 feet away as the sun comes up. You know the last time Barry and Michelle had morning sex? It’s been eight years. Alternate title for this article: I Left the Oval Office and Now I Can’t Stop Having Morning Sex.

Total cost of this lavish vacay: $0.

Branson picks up this tab. Barry isn’t poor by any means, but he’s not “fly my friends out to my island so they can drink and fuck all over it” rich, either. His buddy Branson, though, got damn.

So yeah, get you a Branson in your squad. Or you could also just get a friend who owns a boat.

Image via YouTube

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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