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Goodbye, Greek Life

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This has been by far the most challenging, difficult, burdensome, complicated, tough, troubling, and (did I already say?) challenging few minutes in my six and a half years as an undergrad here at state. Through this school and — more importantly — through this fraternity, I’ve grown into a much bigger man than when I first stepped foot onto campus. Seriously. Check out my photos from freshman year on Facebook. It looks like that 18 year old kid from Suburbia, USA was pumped full of helium and aged like a gallon of whole milk sitting on asphalt directly under the blistering summer sun.

This may not be where my parents decided to pop me out of, but it’s where I’ve come dangerously close to popping off into parenthood on more than one occasion. It’s where I drunkenly stumbled on a Tuesday afternoon without anyone blinking an eye. It’s where I ran during Intramural games before subsequently checking myself out 30 seconds later to catch my breath and call it a day. It’s where I cried tears of joy when I bit into that first sandwich after eating nothing but sticks of butter and strawberry jelly during hell week. It’s where I profusely bled when that 2×4 came crashing down atop of my head during homecoming float build.

It’s a special, special place, and I know the impact it’s made on me will long outlast the impact I’ve made on it. I mean I was never the most super involved brother to begin with and the weird twitch I’ve developed since that nail littered lumber went a few inches deep into my skull doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. But my relationship with this community goes way further than any life-altering injury I sustained during my tenure here. I didn’t realize that in the hospital. I do now.

I must preface that this was NOT entirely my decision and my decision alone. If I could stay here for another six and half years, I would. But that’s sadly not in the cards. After much thought in the half hour it’s been since my dad called informing me that he would no longer be picking up the check for this “disappointing venture” that is my education and the quick realization that I have more than double the amount of credit hours needed for an interdisciplinary studies degree, I’ve decided to take my talents to the corporate world.

As painful as it may be to you younger guys in the chapter watching this old bull slowly trotting out to pasture, I can assure you, it’s ten fold the agony for said bull. Though I never bothered to learn the names of the last 6 pledge classes, you damn kids mean the world to me. I’m genuinely torn leaving this brotherhood, university, and bartending gig behind. It weighs heavily on me knowing many of you will be disappointed by my absence in chapter with no one to immediately “motion to close” every new discussion or the fact that you’ll now be paying for what were free drinks all these years. Perhaps if you assholes tipped a little better, I’d be able to financially support myself and we wouldn’t be in this current predicament. Make no mistake about it, this is on you.

Your Favorite Super Senior

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Dan Regester

Dan Regester @Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer and Video Guy for Grandex Media. Delco trash. UCF alum. Famous FIJI on Wikipedia. Bit of a gambling problem. Advocate of shipping the homeless to Mars. Email tips to Dan@totalfratmove.com

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