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I have noticed an interesting trend. Members of our community have recently taken to Twitter in droves. Which is fine. I love Twitter. It gives me the ability to put out my controversial thoughts in quick fashion with no chance of consequences. But Twitter is no longer a source for those who love one-liners and riddles. It has literally become the new Greek Facebook. The only difference is, everyone is anonymous. So, once again, everything we thought we knew is out the window. Twitter comes with a lot of issues, but I’m going to give you a couple (because everything bad happens as a couple). By the way, for those of you not familiar with the Twitter-verse, anonymous personality accounts are called “anons.” I know. I think it’s fucking stupid too.
Are you a fraternity man on Twitter? I have great news! Every single girl behind the srat/bitch/betch account that you follow is smoking hot. I mean, how could they not be? Their profile pictures are Google Image copies of what they really look like, right? I think that question answers itself. The next point, by necessity, is this: do not ever agree to hook up with a girl from Twitter. I’m not going to cite personal experience on this one, because I was never stupid enough to make this mistake. However, hooking up with a girl based on what she says on Twitter makes you an online dater. If you set up a date/hook-up from Twitter, you might as well be on Match.com. And who wants to admit to that?
I apparently got mixed up in all this shit accidentally. I set up my Sterling Cooper Twitter account because, in addition to my funny columns, I also happen to have great one liners that fit into 140 characters. But as of the last year, I’m now “competing” with other accounts run by guys who don’t make jokes, they just claim to wear bowties, and expect internet women to flock to them. Guess what, girls. If you haven’t already figured this out, the gent/frat/bro anon accounts are almost 100% run by skinny, acne plagued idiots who can barely string a proper sentence together. In fact, (and this surprised me too) the only male accounts I really respect are TFM trolls. Go fucking figure.
Conclusion? You want me to draw some sort of moral from this? Well, fuck you. I guess if I had to, I’d point to the successful love stories that came from this system, i.e. fun loving srat anon fell in love with tough guy anon, and everything worked out perfectly. Only problem with this is that not only has this not happened, it’s not going to happen. You know that girl/guy who did the bare minimum to be initiated? That person is now on Twitter. Not only that, they might be one of the most popular Greek Twitter profiles in America. What’re you going to do about it? The simple answer is: nothing. Anon accounts are going to keep popping up like a virus. At the end of the day, simple free-market capitalism will stabilize the anon market. The good ones will rise and stay at the top, while the fatties and poors stay at the bottom. Oh, is that too blunt for you? Well, then you clearly clicked on the wrong website.