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Grow Up And Buy A Watch Already You Heathen

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My friend is super into watches. He calls them “timepieces.” Me? I’ve never been much of an accessory guy. Watches, chains, and those “I’m charitable but more importantly trendy” Livestrong bands never appealed to me. Bracelets are for little girls that make best friends at summer camp, or Johnny Depp.

That being said, I’ve found a watch I like, and it’s already kinda changed my life. This Gunmetal & Sandstone Chrono by MVMT is one of the sweetest looking watches I’ve seen, somehow squeezes into my budget, and actually fits my wrists (more on that later).


You’ve most likely heard about MVMT (pronounced “Movement”) since they’re all over the Internet, and there’s a reason for that. They’re the motherfucking truth and I haven’t taken mine off since it came in the mail.

You like compliments? Of course you do. We’re all self-absorbed narcissists that get a half chub with any sort of validation from our peers. You throw on a MVMT and you’ll be bukkakied with praise. And, since the company was started by two broke college kids looking for an affordable alternative, it’ll only run you somewhere between $95 to $150 for a lifetime of being verbally stroked off in public. At that price, it’s basically an impulse play.

But first, my personal experience. I’m a relatively large dude with un-proportionally small hands. For the longest time, I was afraid a watch would only bring more unwanted attention to my tiny paws. I blamed my small hands when, inexplicably, I wasn’t selected in the 2013 NBA draft despite four years of solid intramural numbers, and off-the-chart intangibles that should have made general managers gush with desire.

Locker room chemistry would have been at an all time high with me riding the pine, waving a towel, and holding back teammates on the sideline after an electric dunk. But I was wrong. Not just about my dreams of at least getting victory cigar minutes in Europe or China, but about watches in general.

With the right timepiece on my wrist, I can distract eyes away from these miniature mittens. Plus, watches essentially act as a push-up bra for your hands. If I rocked one to the combine, who knows? I may have been able to optical-illusion my way into the end of the second round. Now, I’ve learned from my mistakes and I’m all in on watches moving forward — especially since discovering MVMT.

Now, for the price of a fucking chemistry textbook, I can look like the first rounder I always dreamed I could be. MVMT has tons of styles and colors, and there’s a watch to match any occasion. Want to distract the world from the fact that you drank 15 beers last night? Get the Voyager Desert and take the focus off your hung-over eyes and onto your badass watch.

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Impress your girl (or someone else’s) by rocking a big Voyager Sterling to your next formal. You’ll spend more than $115 on spilled liquor anyway. It’s a small price to pay for a statement piece that lasts forever. Comparable watches sell for $400-500 at a department store, and watch snobs won’t be able to tell the difference. It looks great and it keeps time. Win-win.

@watchaca MVMT Watches (Voyager) Sterling PHOTO SHOOT 1 4

Does it get any better than that? Actually, it does. We convinced our friends over at MVMT to give us a 15% off discount to share with you bare-wristed bastards. Just use promo code “TFM15” at checkout to get 15% off your order. I was never great with math, but after that discount I’m pretty sure they’re just giving away watches for free with no shipping cost, there’s absolutely no excuse not to hop on the MVMT train. Hell, even if you’re a complete psychopath and don’t like the watch for some reason, you can return it at no cost. You can even buy three and send two back if you can’t make up your mind. Do what over 1 million people have already done, and get yourself a push up bra for your tiny paw…I mean wristwatch. You’ll thank me later. Or don’t check it out, and get judged by your formal date, NBA GMs, and watch snobs.

Do as their hashtag suggests and #jointhemvmt.

Use Promo Code “TFM15” At Checkout For 15% Off Your Order.

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