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Last May, Harvard threatened to ban all fraternity members from holding athletic captaincies and any university leadership position if they are still single-gender social groups by 2021. These chapters would also be ineligible from receiving endorsements for top fellowships like the Rhodes and Marshall scholarships despite the fine folks of Cambridge not even officially affiliating themselves with Greek life to begin with. Yes, you read that right. No fraternity or sorority “around” Harvard receives benefits, funding, or formal recognition from the school, yet they will be forced to go “gender-neutral” or be penalized and face sanctions from the college.
After the women of Greek Row protested Harvard’s questionable decision, the all-female sororities and clubs were granted a three to five year grace period after the set date of 2021. The all-male organizations were not given the same luxury. It’s been more or less a Mexican standoff between administrators and fraternities. That was until the former home of Mark Zuckerberg, Alpha Epsilon Pi, finally blinked and separated themselves from nationals in order to adhere to the school’s demands.
Ultimately, fraternity members voted in support of an open rush, meaning that it will have to break its affiliation with Alpha Epsilon Pi because the national leadership would not allow the fraternity to retain its chapter status while also admitting women.
“This is not what we wanted; ideally we would remain a part of AEPi and nationals would recognize us breaking down the discriminatory barriers to joining our chapter,” chapter president Jake Ascher said in a statement. “Though this is not the case, we remain resolute with our goal and we can say that all of our members will leave AEPi to form a new group.”
Say what you will about nationals, but at least they still acknowledge that you are in fact a part of their organization. Harvard is going to end up creating a bunch of uninsured local chapters with way more legal issues than they can possibly imagine.
But forget all that nonsense. It might actually be refreshing to have a woman’s touch around the house for a change. You just increased the fraternity’s towel and pillow inventory one-hundred fold. The smell of vomit and stale beer is suddenly replaced with the welcomed fragrance of apple orchards and french vanilla candles. Bathroom drawers would be overflowing with toilet paper. Living like an actual human being could be a very real possibility.
But, of course, there’s plenty of drawbacks. Chapter room television viewing habits could bring the fraternity to its knees. Imagine walking in on Saturday’s to see the Kardashians on screen instead of Herbie and the game day crew. Fights over the dishes would dominate New Business discussions. How about inter-fraternal dating? Jesus, you could potentially live in the same house as your ex. Good luck sleeping to the passionate screams of a former lover as she gets railed out on the other side of the wall. The murder-suicide rates will skyrocket. Clearly, these Ivy league minds didn’t think this one all the way through..