If your university has a legitimate rival, I hope you hate them. I hope you hate them with all your heart. I hope you wish poor health on their parents and Jerry Sandusky cuddle sessions on their children. Your college rival can suck a thousand dicks, and then a thousand more. I hope you appreciate the beautiful hate you have inherited. Nowhere else in life are you allowed to have such unbridled, no explanation necessary hate for another group of people as you are for your college rival. Hate Week is where it all comes to a head.
Really the best part of hating your college rival is the fact that no explanation further than “I went to (Insert School)” is needed to excuse your vile sentiments. Shouting at an elderly couple sporting rival colors while they attend the annual match up for the fiftieth year? Totally cool. Claiming that your rival school couldn’t afford chimpanzees for an AIDS study so instead they used third world orphans? Probably true. Celebrating the completely justifiable mass murder that kicked off the rivalry in 1863? ENCOURAGED.
The rival’s reciprocation of hate is equally important. Revel in it. It makes the stakes that much higher, and the wins so much sweeter. Even if you have friends on the other side of the rivalry, they aren’t your friends during Hate Week. Lines are drawn, hateful messages exchanged, craps taken on their doorstep. If the rival wins it’s infuriating, maddening. Every rival fan you see is the biggest asshole in the world. You consider permanently shunning any rival friends you have, and crapping on their doorstep again. They fling insults that you try to forget with dangerous amounts of booze. You return insults, reminding them that wherever they are from is a backwoods incest festival full of meth addicted terrorist child molesters, whether or not it’s true.
If your school wins? Well let’s be honest, you become the biggest asshole in the world, but in an awesome way (probably). Every rival fan you see gets a reminder of the score. Your celebration is as obscene as the salutations you give your rivals as they leave the stadium. Your playlist consists of the school fight song and every cliché victory tune in the history of music. You kill beer after beer as you revel in the glory of the win. Fuck your rival, they deserved to lose. After all, where they are from is a backwoods incest festival full of meth addicted terrorist child molesters. This victory only confirms that God agrees with you.
Hate Week is good. It’s the ultimate hate outlet. People should not go through life feeling hate all the time. But hating your school’s rival? Fuck and yes. Take full advantage of this hate outlet. Let your hate flow freely through you. Drink heavily and hate merrily. How often in life are you allowed to flip off a twelve-year-old? And how often do you see that twelve-year-old’s parents encourage him to return the favor? This hate is so much fun. Live it up, because one day you’ll be dead, and your rivals will be happy.