Rookie hazing: it’s a tradition presumably as old as the game of baseball itself. Of course, just like fraternity hazing, things have changed as the years have passed. It’s not the 1920s anymore. No longer do older teammates throw the rookies in a burlap sack and beat them with pipes until “all the Nancy’s smacked out of ’em” and then hand them a cigarette and a bottle of whiskey, telling the rookies to finish those and suit up for the game. Truly, this sport is America’s pastime.
Now days rookie hazing mostly amounts to something silly, and nobody on the team does that better than the bullpen. Makes sense, they’ve got the most time on their hands. Chances are, if you look around your fraternity, the pre-med guy is doing a lot less hazing than the the brother who drank his way into a General Studies major. Mostly the day-to-day bullpen hazing involves the rookies carrying some kind of embarrassing bag around. Surprisingly, the hazing actually serves a purpose aside from getting fans to laugh, point, and say, “HUH! Gayyyyyyy.” The bags are usually filled with drinks, snacks, and other things that I am sure are of vital importance to the relief pitchers. God help you if you didn’t pack enough sunflower seeds and Red Man, you rookie bitches.
Pictured below are the 2014 Atlanta Braves rookie relievers Ian Thomas and Gus Schlosser (I think) carrying around their extra special snack bags at a couple different games.
These Braves should feel lucky they only have to carry pink bags full of snacks and whatnot. If this were a Greg Maddux Braves team it’s more likely they’d be carrying bags Maddux crapped in, zipped up, and then rubbed his penis all over. That’s not really even an exaggeration.