Dominating the Summer Olympics is as American as the right to bear arms, apple pie, and the right to bear apple pie. We always have crushed the competition, and we always will. Here’s a look back at all the United States Summer Olympic Teams’ past performances.
1896 – Athens, Greece: 11 Gold, 7 Silver, 2 Bronze – 1st overall
At the first ever modern Olympic Games, the U.S. finished 1st overall with 11 gold medals, narrowly edging out host country Greece. We finished 2nd overall in terms of total medals, but who cares about that? It’s all about the symbol Au, baby. We also managed to win our 20 medals with just 14 athletes competing. God, we’re incredible.
1900 – Paris, France: 19 Gold, 14 Silver, 14 Bronze – 2nd overall (France)
In what was an obviously rigged 1900 Paris Olympics, France ended up 1st overall with 26 gold medals. Despite the collusion and conspiracy, the good ol’ U.S. still managed to finish second with 19 gold medals. Pretty amazing given the circumstances (the French rigged the whole thing).
1904 – St. Louis, United States: 78 Gold, 82 Silver, 79 Bronze – 1st overall
It’s no surprise that we absolutely dominated our first ever Summer Olympics home game. There were 96 gold medals handed out in total. We won 78 of them. ‘Nuff said.
1908 – London, United Kingdom: 23 Gold, 12 Silver, 12 Bronze – 2nd overall (Great Britain)
What is it with host countries rigging the Olympics? Do you really expect me to believe Great Britain got 33 more gold medals than us through sheer skill? Fat chance. The only things those tea cozies can beat America in are a wonky teeth competition and a war where they both vastly outnumber us and have way more resources than us. OH WAIT, THEY CAN’T EVEN DO THAT SECOND ONE. Looks like the United States is the only country that can host the Olympics and win by sheer skill and ability, not by fixing the whole thing. For shame, Brits.
1912 – Stockholm, Sweden: 25 Gold, 19 Silver, 19 Bronze – 1st overall
1920 – Antwerp, Belgium: 41 Gold, 27 Silver, 27 Bronze – 1st overall
1924 – Paris, France: 45 Gold, 27 Silver, 27 Bronze – 1st overall
1928 – Amsterdam, Netherlands: 22 Gold, 18 Silver, 16 Bronze – 1st overall
1932 – Los Angeles, United States: 41 Gold, 32 Silver, 30 Bronze – 1st overall
Five straight, baby! Winning four out of 5 away Olympics ain’t too shabby either, especially when you cap it off with an utterly dominant 41-gold-medal home stand.
1936 – Berlin, Germany: 24 Gold, 20 Silver, 12 Bronze – 2nd overall (Germany)
Yeah, Hitler definitely didn’t rig these games. He’d never do something like that!
1948 – London, United Kingdom: 38 Gold, 27 Silver, 19 Bronze – 1st overall
We got our 1908 revenge on those cheating, crumpet-eating British floofs in 1948… or did we? Is 38 gold medals better than 3? Help me out here; I can’t remember.
1952 – Helsinki, Finland: 40 Gold, 19 Silver, 17 Bronze – 1st overall
Nothing too special about this one. Just your standard Team USA victory.
1956 – Melbourne, Australia: 32 Gold, 25 Silver, 17 Bronze – 2nd overall (Soviet Union)
Until these games, the U.S. was the only country to ever win an Olympics that it wasn’t hosting — and we did it 7 times. It was honestly getting unfair. That’s why we had to let someone else win. It’s pretty crazy that we weren’t even trying and we still got second. Pretty embarrassing stuff for the commies.
1960 – Rome, Italy: 34 Gold, 21 Silver, 16 Bronze – 2nd overall (Soviet Union)
1964 – Tokyo, Japan: 36 Gold, 26 Silver, 28 Bronze – 1st overall
1968 – Mexico City, Mexico: 45 Gold, 28 Silver, 34 Bronze – 1st overall
Had to crush back-to-back Ws there to let the world know we had been intentionally throwing the O games the previous 8 years…
1972 – Munich, West Germany: 33 Gold, 31 Silver, 30 Bronze – 2nd overall (Soviet Union)
1976 – Montreal, Canada: 34 Gold, 35 Silver,25 Bronze – 3rd overall (Soviet Union, East Germany)
…then ease off again to let the world know we are dominant, yet benevolent. That’s the American way.
1980 – Moscow, Soviet Union: N/A
Yeah, like we were going to support those communist bastards. Fuck ’em.
1984 – Los Angeles, United States: 83 Gold, 61 Silver, 30 Bronze – 1st overall
Thanks for not competing in the 1984 Olympics, Eastern Bloc douchebags. You know where you’re not wanted. That’s 3-0 on home soil, too, for those of you keeping track at home.
1988 – Seoul, South Korea: 36 Gold, 31 Silver, 27 Bronze – 3rd overall (Soviet Union, East Germany)
Not fair. “Faith” by George Michael came out in 1988. Kinda hard for an Olympic team to concentrate when they’re all blasting the smooth sounds of George Michael the whole games.
1992 – Barcelona, Spain: 37 Gold, 34 Silver, 37 Bronze – 2nd overall (“Unified Team”)
I count the 1992 Summer Olympics as a win for the U.S. The team that beat us in gold medals, “Unified Team,” representing the recently dissolved Soviet Union, effectively consisted of 12 separate countries — and they still only got 8 more gold medals than us. When you take that into account, who gives a shit about the end result? I’ll take 50 states over 12 countries any day.
1996 – Atlanta, United States: 44 Gold, 32 Silver, 25 Bronze – 1st overall
The most recent victory in what is our undefeated home record.
2000 – Sydney, Australia: 37 Gold, 24 Silver, 32 Bronze – 1st overall
2004 – Athens, Greece: 36 Gold, 39 Silver, 26 Bronze – 1st overall
Hot start to the new millennium.
2008 – Beijing, China: 36 Gold, 38 Silver, 36 Bronze – 2nd overall (China)
It’s pretty easy to win gold medals in China when your lungs are already used to the polluted-ass Beijing air because you’ve been practicing your sport there since you were in diapers.
2012 – London, United Kingdom: 46 Gold, 28 Silver, 29 Bronze – 1st overall
Revenge, round two.
America: running the Summer Olympics since 1896..